Innocent Decision
Saturday, April 11, 2009
When was my last post? Almost three weeks back - a day before I entered SISPEC. Pretty long since i blogged eh. Not that i didnt have anything to blog for the past weeks. just simple lazy. Trust me. Lazy enough to just visit my blog and not think of updating it. Haha. Didnt want my blog to stay stagnant too long, or it will start breeding mossies-readers who will start bugging me to update. Haha.
Alot of thinking has been going thru my head for the past weeks. Yesh. Pretty new environment in SISPEC. New life, new friends, new commanders, new set of rules, new everything! Interestingly, or maybe because i have no choice, i have adapted to it pretty fast.
I found out something too. I have a new skill. A skill to stop random thoughts from invading my mind. I know that once i start thinking, i will never stop and totally ignore what's happening around me, practically day dreaming. Note that i am not away from reality, just away from my surroundings! So, recently, i begin this habit, which i consider as a skill, to stop myself from thinking. Like when there's this issue that caused a spark in my mind, after a few seconds, i will stop it from continuing. What an achievement!!!
Let's start which major happenings that occurred over the three weeks.
My sister's (my twin soul) 21st birthday! Yes. At last she's 21. the day i have been waiting for, don't ask me why. Didnt celebrate though. But am thankful to GOD that i could at least spend the evening with her, going temple and to see the Panguni radham at Nee Soon East CC. Well, she was shocked with the present i gave her. She was happy. So i was happy too. Haha...
Following that was Panguni. One of the most waited event of the year. I had the day off, so went down to temple with mum and sis. Then came home and went back again, this time to sight see. Met alot of people. For some reason, Panguni afternoon and evening periods become more like a get together session where u tend to meet all ur long lost fren. Met practically all my NavaZ. So nice to see em all. And yeah, Vaanthu's dog, Suria. SOOOO cute la! He was like the centre of attraction on that day la. Saw her mum and dad. And Dappa and Bu. And Kane. And Jaga. And the whole of Puva family. Haha... Oh... N i found out that this friend of mine, Gayathri Devi, who sings DAMN well (trust me, u'll melt when u hear her voice), is actually my cousin. Haha. Somehow we are cousins and we got to know it when both our mothers were talking. Haha.
There was this family visit to SISPEC the second saturday after i got into SISPEC. Well, mum and sis came. It was super boring. Cos i had to show them around, like as if they never see a camp before. Haha. But it was also good that they came, for one reason. Haha. GOD BLESS.
Met up with Loshy today. Gosh. I miss my NY life. Ask me which is the best time of my life and i can say it proudly "my JC life". Yes. Not even army. I know i havnt finished it yet, so i cant be comparing much. But then, given the journey that i have travelled in the army, phase 2 i call it, i feel that JC life has had more to offer me, in terms of learning points, lifeskills, experiences, memories and what not. 0705, ICS, TLC... So many memories just left behind at NY and no time to revisit them at all. *Sobz*
Oh talking about memories. I was telling Nanthu that i dun get upset with my memories, the sad ones i mean, but i end laughing when i think about those upsetting memories. I also dunno why. Yes, i agree i am weird. But it's just the way my brain works. Normal people tend to tear or go into a mode of depression (mild, at least) when they think about all the sad memories. For me, i tend to laugh about it. I know that all these experiences that i go through have a reason, just that i don't know it for now. Time will have it's say, sometime sooner or later.
"Poison kills us once. But memories kills us everytime it comes to our mind."
I didnt say this. Someone i know said it. Haha. I doubt whether she'll recognise it when she reads this. Haha.
Well, interestingly, people tend to think about the sad memories when we mention the word memories. WHY? I mean people sure do have happy memories. But they come in handy only when the person is like super duper happy. But the moment the person is upset, a little upset that is, all the sad memories flow into the mind like a dam-less river. Interesting eh how the mind works. All you need is to mention a person's name or pass by a certain place or see a certain incident and you will get all the memories, whether sad or happy, flowing in and after a while, without you realising, you become emotional. Haha. Funny sia.
Talking about certain places. I wanted to go to CCK, some blk there, where i met this particular someone and reflect about alot of things that i have been wanting to think about for the past few weeks. But decided against it and to meet up with alot of people instead - a better way to use my weekend.
RP holds alot of memories too. Thats where i was today. With Vitz and her dance crew. Yeah. A levels preparation - half my days were spent there, from morning to evening with my study buddy Vitz. Never will i forget those days (although i have forgotten all that is studied). I remember we were super stressed ones that we went 'jogging/hiking' at the park at RP. Mad people we were.
Wah, these past 18 years of course have more than 18000 memories. Haha. Life just seems to breeze through. Now i know what people meant when they said "time and tide waits for no man". Very true!
Personally, I feel that love is a dangerous game to play. It can lead to destruction. Not all la. I mean there are successful love stories but many are failure. Until now i also dunno why these failed love exists... But they do. You just can't help it!
U might ask me why i'm crapping on love again. Well,,, the past three weeks a lot of incidents involved love and so they make me ponder about it. I never believed in love. Maybe 'never' is a strong word. I don't believe in love since very recently. And so all those things happening around me involving love failure aren't exactly helping me in changing my perception about love! How sad! Haha. (Ragha will forever remain the sarcastic idiot he was born as).
Making decisions in life is one of the hardest thing to do. When i was much younger, most decisions were made by my mum or dad. Now then i'm very much older and am expected to be independent, which i proudly can say i am, i need to make my very own decisions. And making this decisions involve a very long process. Alot of thinking is needed to be done. All the decisions i have made so far are innocent decisions. How long can i go on like this for? Forever? No chance. I have to make decisions that i'm capable of living up to and uphold it till the situation forbids! (Gosh, i sound so chimp!)
Where love hates,
Ragha ¶ 11:35 PM 0 Comments
Alot of thinking has been going thru my head for the past weeks. Yesh. Pretty new environment in SISPEC. New life, new friends, new commanders, new set of rules, new everything! Interestingly, or maybe because i have no choice, i have adapted to it pretty fast.
I found out something too. I have a new skill. A skill to stop random thoughts from invading my mind. I know that once i start thinking, i will never stop and totally ignore what's happening around me, practically day dreaming. Note that i am not away from reality, just away from my surroundings! So, recently, i begin this habit, which i consider as a skill, to stop myself from thinking. Like when there's this issue that caused a spark in my mind, after a few seconds, i will stop it from continuing. What an achievement!!!
Let's start which major happenings that occurred over the three weeks.
My sister's (my twin soul) 21st birthday! Yes. At last she's 21. the day i have been waiting for, don't ask me why. Didnt celebrate though. But am thankful to GOD that i could at least spend the evening with her, going temple and to see the Panguni radham at Nee Soon East CC. Well, she was shocked with the present i gave her. She was happy. So i was happy too. Haha...
Following that was Panguni. One of the most waited event of the year. I had the day off, so went down to temple with mum and sis. Then came home and went back again, this time to sight see. Met alot of people. For some reason, Panguni afternoon and evening periods become more like a get together session where u tend to meet all ur long lost fren. Met practically all my NavaZ. So nice to see em all. And yeah, Vaanthu's dog, Suria. SOOOO cute la! He was like the centre of attraction on that day la. Saw her mum and dad. And Dappa and Bu. And Kane. And Jaga. And the whole of Puva family. Haha... Oh... N i found out that this friend of mine, Gayathri Devi, who sings DAMN well (trust me, u'll melt when u hear her voice), is actually my cousin. Haha. Somehow we are cousins and we got to know it when both our mothers were talking. Haha.
There was this family visit to SISPEC the second saturday after i got into SISPEC. Well, mum and sis came. It was super boring. Cos i had to show them around, like as if they never see a camp before. Haha. But it was also good that they came, for one reason. Haha. GOD BLESS.
Met up with Loshy today. Gosh. I miss my NY life. Ask me which is the best time of my life and i can say it proudly "my JC life". Yes. Not even army. I know i havnt finished it yet, so i cant be comparing much. But then, given the journey that i have travelled in the army, phase 2 i call it, i feel that JC life has had more to offer me, in terms of learning points, lifeskills, experiences, memories and what not. 0705, ICS, TLC... So many memories just left behind at NY and no time to revisit them at all. *Sobz*
Oh talking about memories. I was telling Nanthu that i dun get upset with my memories, the sad ones i mean, but i end laughing when i think about those upsetting memories. I also dunno why. Yes, i agree i am weird. But it's just the way my brain works. Normal people tend to tear or go into a mode of depression (mild, at least) when they think about all the sad memories. For me, i tend to laugh about it. I know that all these experiences that i go through have a reason, just that i don't know it for now. Time will have it's say, sometime sooner or later.
"Poison kills us once. But memories kills us everytime it comes to our mind."
I didnt say this. Someone i know said it. Haha. I doubt whether she'll recognise it when she reads this. Haha.
Well, interestingly, people tend to think about the sad memories when we mention the word memories. WHY? I mean people sure do have happy memories. But they come in handy only when the person is like super duper happy. But the moment the person is upset, a little upset that is, all the sad memories flow into the mind like a dam-less river. Interesting eh how the mind works. All you need is to mention a person's name or pass by a certain place or see a certain incident and you will get all the memories, whether sad or happy, flowing in and after a while, without you realising, you become emotional. Haha. Funny sia.
Talking about certain places. I wanted to go to CCK, some blk there, where i met this particular someone and reflect about alot of things that i have been wanting to think about for the past few weeks. But decided against it and to meet up with alot of people instead - a better way to use my weekend.
RP holds alot of memories too. Thats where i was today. With Vitz and her dance crew. Yeah. A levels preparation - half my days were spent there, from morning to evening with my study buddy Vitz. Never will i forget those days (although i have forgotten all that is studied). I remember we were super stressed ones that we went 'jogging/hiking' at the park at RP. Mad people we were.
Wah, these past 18 years of course have more than 18000 memories. Haha. Life just seems to breeze through. Now i know what people meant when they said "time and tide waits for no man". Very true!
Personally, I feel that love is a dangerous game to play. It can lead to destruction. Not all la. I mean there are successful love stories but many are failure. Until now i also dunno why these failed love exists... But they do. You just can't help it!
U might ask me why i'm crapping on love again. Well,,, the past three weeks a lot of incidents involved love and so they make me ponder about it. I never believed in love. Maybe 'never' is a strong word. I don't believe in love since very recently. And so all those things happening around me involving love failure aren't exactly helping me in changing my perception about love! How sad! Haha. (Ragha will forever remain the sarcastic idiot he was born as).
Making decisions in life is one of the hardest thing to do. When i was much younger, most decisions were made by my mum or dad. Now then i'm very much older and am expected to be independent, which i proudly can say i am, i need to make my very own decisions. And making this decisions involve a very long process. Alot of thinking is needed to be done. All the decisions i have made so far are innocent decisions. How long can i go on like this for? Forever? No chance. I have to make decisions that i'm capable of living up to and uphold it till the situation forbids! (Gosh, i sound so chimp!)
Be the big bad wolf that your mind tells u to be.
But never surrender to it.
Be the sweet little angel your heart tells you to be.
But never hold on to it.
A coin has two sides.
It ain't the sides that define its value
nor recognises it.
It's the size, how big or small.
It isn't how many you give
but how much you give.
It isn't how many you loved
but how much you love.
It isn't all about you.
Remember there's always somebody who needs you,
more than you need yourself.
18 stars shimmer in the darkest night.
they know not they future.
nor their past.
they live each night as it is.
they don't mind being 18 miles apart.
but they know they make 18 heart smile. :)
Where love hates,
Ragha ¶ 11:35 PM 0 Comments
