It hasn’t bothered me much that I’m going in to NS. It’s in another two days time. This Friday, 12th December, 830am. Honestly, I’m waiting to go. But the timing is soo early la. 830 liao. Must get up like…
However, people I know seem to have more reaction that I expected. They seem to be extremely worried that I’m going NS. They tell me not to forget them once I go in. they tell me to SMS them whenever I’m free. They tell me to meet up after I’m done with NS or during weekends. They tell me to be careful of myself and to be back safely.
HELLO PEOPLE. I’M NOT MIGRATING TO PERTH. I’M GOING NS ONLY LA. I WILL BE OUT SOON AND I WILL NOT BE GONE FOREVER!!! Haha…
But people, I sincerely thank you for your care and concern. Do not worry about me much and take care of yourselves too. Enjoy yourselves and don’t miss me too much!!!
Interestingly, yet contrastingly, I have decided otherwise. I’m not going to tell my decision blatantly on my blog. Those who know me well or can like smartly figure it out, will know what my decision is.
I know it’s not an easy decision. Of course. I have tried it before, however, on a smaller scale la. It was pretty hard la. I remember failing a few times, before I succeeded in that decision. This time though, I am very sure that I will succeed in the first ‘move’ itself. That’s how important that decision is! More like a plan though.
I know I make it sound so dramatic and terrible and all, but that’s the truth la. It’s not like some life or death matter but then it is still major. It is somewhat linked to my future – my social well-being. Haha.
I have though about this – many times. Really. I just don’t know whether it’s my own choice or a choice that people around me made me come up with. I don’t blame them. But they sure have a huge part in initiating this particular decision. Whatever it is, I’m very sure with this decision I have taken. It’s like the ‘big move’. See how it goes la.
I remember chatting with my junior regarding him retaining or whether he should go poly. And I remember this phrase he said “I want to make my own decision for once and I want this decision to be right for once!”. It kinda stuck to my heart. It made me think of ALL the decisions I had taken thus far in my life – since the time I knew about taking decisions up to this minute. Many of the decisions that I have taken have of course played a part in what I am today, whether good or bad. Some of them, I regretted having to take. Some of which I am proud to boast about. Some of which I were forced to take. Some of which I did it, just for the sake of it. In the end, they all had something to teach me – a lesson learnt!
This decision sure will have something to teach me. I know that I won’t regret it. I know I’m not forced to take it. I know that it will lead me in the correct path – a path that will pave a near perfect future for me. Gosh! I know I make it sound so terrible.
I guess this will be like the last post before I go in to NS. I should be really busy for the next two days – spending quality time with my family and preparing for NS – not mentally or physically but material wise. Haha… Have a small list of things to bring there from what I see from the letter that they sent. Haha…
I remember someone telling me this “You go in as a boy and return as a MAN”. Sounds rather cool eh? Like some evolution. Haha… I always personally thought that NS is a necessity in every guy’s life. It is like a ‘rite of passage’ for guys (like what SJI says). It is like a ritual that every guy has to go through is Singapore. I never dreaded going for NS. I don’t know why.
Oh ya. I don’t know whether I mentioned that I wanted to clear something regarding my ex-relationship before I go in to NS. Initially I wanted to meet up with her. But she was like spending her time out of town and wasn’t planning to return back anytime soon or at least anytime before I go NS. So I decided to SMS her.
And I remember asking her whether my money will decrease (I’m using prepaid mah!) or her bill will increase if I were to SMS her. Haha… What a cheapo right?
I asked her whether she had really moved on in life, as in accepted the fact that we are mere friends and whether she has gotten over our past relationship. Interestingly, she said YES, definitely. I was shocked. Seriously! Haha. I was of course, super elated la. I didn’t expect that answer from her. That was what I wanted her to do since the time we parted. Haha. Took two years – fine, almost two.
And she also added another thing saying that she had ‘grown up’. Another thing that I so didn’t expect from her. Haha. I never felt that she was some childish brat or something. But that two words (‘grown up’) really did have a hard impact on me. Not just with her, but with many others around me. Maybe she did grow up but I may not have noticed.
They are others around me who have seriously grown up and I can surely feel it. And together with that growing up, the distance between us sure grows even more. To me, I still treat them as this small 15/16 year old boy/girl whom is lost and unsure of the world. But then as they grow, they prove me wrong. But they just go too far out. Proving me wrong is different from making me hate them. They go all out and make themselves seem like villains in my life. Useless villains though. You one me to treat you like a grown up, behave like it, but that gives you no right to become a downright asshole! Haha… I’m referring to a lot of people. And I’m honestly, sick of such people.
And this leads me to think of how many times I have misused the word ‘love’. I have an entry on this topic some months back. But it hit me again today. I realized that I have indeed made the word ‘love’ so meaningless. Not only me. People around me are doing the same. It has become such a common word that it is used like in every SMS – whether as a greeting or a signing off word. I have been seeing that word more than often in SMS from my friends, sister and brothers. And I really do not know whether it’s sincere because that’s how meaningless they (and including me) have made it seem.
I sincerely apologise for such mistake of using such a ‘heavenly’ and strong word like as if it is some swear word that I can use in every sentence. Haha… I don’t know how many people I have hurt by using this word. Of course, I am happy that I have hurt people by NOT using that word because I’m sure that by NOT using it, I’m being genuine. I really have to think back and see how many people have been ‘tricked’ by me and my usage of the word ‘love (you)’. Dangerous word eh???
I know that this entry is DAMN long. But you can read it part by part la. It will keep you occupied (if you are someone who visits my blog like everyday) for the few weeks of my BMT (Basic Military Training).
My mum and I were having a small chat today and I realized that I can learn a lot of things from her experience. Sadly most of them are like the “don’ts in life. Yeah it’s true that other people experiences can be lessons for one’s life. But my mum’s experiences have taught me many things – why I shouldn’t be like her. Haha…
She used an example of gold. How gold is melted before being designed. And also the fig tree. Or is it the banyan tree??? Haha… Who knows? It was really funny chatting with her because half the time, her views contradicted mine and she knew that I was never going to listen to whatever she said. At the same time, she knew that I was picking up learning points from what she was saying. And she also would have known that those points aren’t those that she wanted me to learn.
Thanks mum. For letting me live my life the way I want and letting me take decision myself. Yet being there whenever I needed you for advice!!! Cheers Mum!!! :)
We always have an argument about giving in to people. I just don’t know how to put it down in words. More like I don’t know how to put it in ENGLISH words. Because we argue in tamil… Maybe she uses more tamil than me la. I argue more in English. Haha… So let me leave u with this question.
“How much should you give in to someone? Does giving in depend on the person? How much you love them? How much you gain in return? How much they deserve it? How much they appreciate it? How satisfying is it? How important is it?”
That’s all Folks!
Till some time later,
Cheers,
Ragha :)
