I can’t believe it but year 2008 has jus ended (or going to la). It’s just too fast. I still remember dreading on 31st December 2007, on how I had to head back to college and start mugging for A levels (and also prepare for Puyal).
Including all the shit that I went through during 2008, from academics to life to relationships… I can remember everything as if they just happened a minute ago. I don’t know whether they are that very impactful or I’m just being to0 sensitive or more like my brains have to much of empty space that these things just occupy it. Haha…
Honestly, I have to thank GOD for such a beautiful year. Yes. Every day of our lives comes with it’s own ups and downs. That is life. And this year of course did have it’s own balanced share of pros and cons. Like all other years, it has of course, impacted my life – made me learn new things, life skills, understand the world, people and what not!!!
NS life has been of course fun. It hasn’t been long since I started serving the nation, via being a trainee in some island far away, yet in Singapore. Honestly, I am enjoying every single bit there. It is tiring. Yes, no doubt. But the time there spent everyday, thus far, has proven to be something that I can never forget. NS isn’t that tough as many dread. Like what the army tends to do, “NS turns boys into men”.
However, NS hasn’t changed my way of life as much. Haha. Like all other days, even in NS, in that small little bunk I still do have thoughts flowing through that tired brain after all that training. These thoughts would have been blogged if I were to bee home. But since there’s like no internet access in Tekong, at least no for recruits, I cannot blog. Interestingly, Army has decided to give all recruits something called a journal, where we are expected to reflect on everyday’s activities. Apart from that reflection, which is very minimal in my journal, there are a lot of insights that my brain generates which have been penned down. However, due to the lack of time, I don’t seem to be able to note down all my thoughts.
I know I haven’t been contacting anyone lately. I’m not sorry about that. Personally, it is an achievement for me. Try it. It’s hard to live without messaging your loved ones for like 2 to 3 weeks – not even a single “hi”. I mean for me, it wasn’t that hard. To be frank, I had the urge to message people. Cos I used to have this *good/ bad (delete where applicable) habit of messaging people a greeting message randomly. But for these three weeks, I messaged no one. It was kind of fun though. But I know that it’s slightly wrong (note the word SLIGHTLY) that I don’t have contact with them. Even now I think it’s not wrong totally. Haha… Just Ragha being himself again.
Things haven’t been going the way I want to - more like just one issue out of the many issues that I planned on doing. Just one. But then and again, it’s a major one. It seemed to have been working out well. But the ball bounced back, after a VERY LONG TIME. It was because of a simple lie. Something that meant to be a signal for me move on immediately and not look back at it. But the truth, when revealed was of course, pulling me back, deep in just like quick sand. Well, I think love is like quick sand after all. You have to have like some machine to pull you out of it. If not, you just stay there and get “sucked” in, into your death bed.
During my NS days so far, I have been calling home everyday, talking to my parents and siblings. Like what everyone would have guessed, half the phone call would be with my sister. Haha… we just talk, talk and talk. The only reason that I hang up is because I have to do some work or lights out timing is like nearing. Haha… Give the opportunity to talk longer, I would do so (not like I didn’t before… SHHH!!!).
There’s this particular chat with my sister that stayed in my heart, deeply buried. It wasn’t with her only. But with someone else - a conference call. it started out nice, interesting and lively, despite the time (12am plus, midnight). It ended bitter!!! Believe me, it was bitter – more bitter than 7 bittergourds. You can blame me for the bitter ending. It hasn’t ended though, but hopefully it doesn’t surface up tomorrow, because I will be meeting him.
That little chat showed me a lot and of course, made me believe strongly in what I always believed. Never regret your decision!
That’s a piece of small little advice that I can give to all when starting your new year. Seriously, live life like there’s no tomorrow but then never regret what your actions! Quite contradictory eh? Just like Ragha himself!
If anyone asks me to introduce myself, I would simply say, I’m a simple guy living life the way I want. Yet, I stick to this policy that I would, should and shall not regret the decisions or my actions after they are done. Of course, I have regretted a few. That’s before I strongly believed in this principle. So basically, “living life the way you want with no regrets” would be the motto for 2009!
Honestly, 2009 is a special year for me. I have a lot of plans for 2009. Never in my life of 18 years, I have had so MANY plans for a new year. Maybe because when any new year is nearing, I will be worrying about school. But this year, there’s no such worry. Just maybe NS and my A level results that will be out next year, nonetheless, I am ready for the year 2009 with a lot of plans. No resolutions so far. Not that I had any for the past few years!
Once again people.
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!
HAVE A BLESSED 2009!!!
It hasn’t bothered me much that I’m going in to NS. It’s in another two days time. This Friday, 12th December, 830am. Honestly, I’m waiting to go. But the timing is soo early la. 830 liao. Must get up like…
However, people I know seem to have more reaction that I expected. They seem to be extremely worried that I’m going NS. They tell me not to forget them once I go in. they tell me to SMS them whenever I’m free. They tell me to meet up after I’m done with NS or during weekends. They tell me to be careful of myself and to be back safely.
HELLO PEOPLE. I’M NOT MIGRATING TO PERTH. I’M GOING NS ONLY LA. I WILL BE OUT SOON AND I WILL NOT BE GONE FOREVER!!! Haha…
But people, I sincerely thank you for your care and concern. Do not worry about me much and take care of yourselves too. Enjoy yourselves and don’t miss me too much!!!
Interestingly, yet contrastingly, I have decided otherwise. I’m not going to tell my decision blatantly on my blog. Those who know me well or can like smartly figure it out, will know what my decision is.
I know it’s not an easy decision. Of course. I have tried it before, however, on a smaller scale la. It was pretty hard la. I remember failing a few times, before I succeeded in that decision. This time though, I am very sure that I will succeed in the first ‘move’ itself. That’s how important that decision is! More like a plan though.
I know I make it sound so dramatic and terrible and all, but that’s the truth la. It’s not like some life or death matter but then it is still major. It is somewhat linked to my future – my social well-being. Haha.
I have though about this – many times. Really. I just don’t know whether it’s my own choice or a choice that people around me made me come up with. I don’t blame them. But they sure have a huge part in initiating this particular decision. Whatever it is, I’m very sure with this decision I have taken. It’s like the ‘big move’. See how it goes la.
I remember chatting with my junior regarding him retaining or whether he should go poly. And I remember this phrase he said “I want to make my own decision for once and I want this decision to be right for once!”. It kinda stuck to my heart. It made me think of ALL the decisions I had taken thus far in my life – since the time I knew about taking decisions up to this minute. Many of the decisions that I have taken have of course played a part in what I am today, whether good or bad. Some of them, I regretted having to take. Some of which I am proud to boast about. Some of which I were forced to take. Some of which I did it, just for the sake of it. In the end, they all had something to teach me – a lesson learnt!
This decision sure will have something to teach me. I know that I won’t regret it. I know I’m not forced to take it. I know that it will lead me in the correct path – a path that will pave a near perfect future for me. Gosh! I know I make it sound so terrible.
I guess this will be like the last post before I go in to NS. I should be really busy for the next two days – spending quality time with my family and preparing for NS – not mentally or physically but material wise. Haha… Have a small list of things to bring there from what I see from the letter that they sent. Haha…
I remember someone telling me this “You go in as a boy and return as a MAN”. Sounds rather cool eh? Like some evolution. Haha… I always personally thought that NS is a necessity in every guy’s life. It is like a ‘rite of passage’ for guys (like what SJI says). It is like a ritual that every guy has to go through is Singapore. I never dreaded going for NS. I don’t know why.
Oh ya. I don’t know whether I mentioned that I wanted to clear something regarding my ex-relationship before I go in to NS. Initially I wanted to meet up with her. But she was like spending her time out of town and wasn’t planning to return back anytime soon or at least anytime before I go NS. So I decided to SMS her.
And I remember asking her whether my money will decrease (I’m using prepaid mah!) or her bill will increase if I were to SMS her. Haha… What a cheapo right?
I asked her whether she had really moved on in life, as in accepted the fact that we are mere friends and whether she has gotten over our past relationship. Interestingly, she said YES, definitely. I was shocked. Seriously! Haha. I was of course, super elated la. I didn’t expect that answer from her. That was what I wanted her to do since the time we parted. Haha. Took two years – fine, almost two.
And she also added another thing saying that she had ‘grown up’. Another thing that I so didn’t expect from her. Haha. I never felt that she was some childish brat or something. But that two words (‘grown up’) really did have a hard impact on me. Not just with her, but with many others around me. Maybe she did grow up but I may not have noticed.
They are others around me who have seriously grown up and I can surely feel it. And together with that growing up, the distance between us sure grows even more. To me, I still treat them as this small 15/16 year old boy/girl whom is lost and unsure of the world. But then as they grow, they prove me wrong. But they just go too far out. Proving me wrong is different from making me hate them. They go all out and make themselves seem like villains in my life. Useless villains though. You one me to treat you like a grown up, behave like it, but that gives you no right to become a downright asshole! Haha… I’m referring to a lot of people. And I’m honestly, sick of such people.
And this leads me to think of how many times I have misused the word ‘love’. I have an entry on this topic some months back. But it hit me again today. I realized that I have indeed made the word ‘love’ so meaningless. Not only me. People around me are doing the same. It has become such a common word that it is used like in every SMS – whether as a greeting or a signing off word. I have been seeing that word more than often in SMS from my friends, sister and brothers. And I really do not know whether it’s sincere because that’s how meaningless they (and including me) have made it seem.
I sincerely apologise for such mistake of using such a ‘heavenly’ and strong word like as if it is some swear word that I can use in every sentence. Haha… I don’t know how many people I have hurt by using this word. Of course, I am happy that I have hurt people by NOT using that word because I’m sure that by NOT using it, I’m being genuine. I really have to think back and see how many people have been ‘tricked’ by me and my usage of the word ‘love (you)’. Dangerous word eh???
I know that this entry is DAMN long. But you can read it part by part la. It will keep you occupied (if you are someone who visits my blog like everyday) for the few weeks of my BMT (Basic Military Training).
My mum and I were having a small chat today and I realized that I can learn a lot of things from her experience. Sadly most of them are like the “don’ts in life. Yeah it’s true that other people experiences can be lessons for one’s life. But my mum’s experiences have taught me many things – why I shouldn’t be like her. Haha…
She used an example of gold. How gold is melted before being designed. And also the fig tree. Or is it the banyan tree??? Haha… Who knows? It was really funny chatting with her because half the time, her views contradicted mine and she knew that I was never going to listen to whatever she said. At the same time, she knew that I was picking up learning points from what she was saying. And she also would have known that those points aren’t those that she wanted me to learn.
Thanks mum. For letting me live my life the way I want and letting me take decision myself. Yet being there whenever I needed you for advice!!! Cheers Mum!!! :)
We always have an argument about giving in to people. I just don’t know how to put it down in words. More like I don’t know how to put it in ENGLISH words. Because we argue in tamil… Maybe she uses more tamil than me la. I argue more in English. Haha… So let me leave u with this question.
“How much should you give in to someone? Does giving in depend on the person? How much you love them? How much you gain in return? How much they deserve it? How much they appreciate it? How satisfying is it? How important is it?”
That’s all Folks!
Till some time later,
Cheers,
Ragha :)
MY INTERNET EXPLOER IS AN ASSHOLE!!! GRRRRRRRR....
Im not gonna continue or retype that shit!!! DAMN!!! ¶ 10:49 PM 0 Comments
And after half an hour of waiting, she boards her bus!!!
This photo was taken 'cos Divy and Aish
I wasn't taling photo of their eyes.
And a not so clear one.
HMMM...
Darshu with her 'friend' and his mum!
A photo of Divy and Aish.
Divy and Aish.
She the smile Darshu gives when talking to his mum!
The group of RJC-ians who were part of RJC nite.
