Innocent Decision
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Never leave Ragha alone. Never leave Ragha unoccupied even if it’s just a few minutes. Because when such situation arises, Ragha’s mind starts to think. And when such things happen, it doesn’t stop. It just goes on and on and on and on. That’s what happened when Ragha was doing his duty on the first day of Chinese New Year. He spent the whole day thinking and making innocent decisions. Too many. Unfortunately, he didn’t have a paper and a pen to note them down. So now based on his residual memory, he decided to blog what his mind went through for that 24 hours.
%#%#%
Ragha has decided that he needs time off from the life he is living now. (Wait, why am I typing this in third person view???)…
Yes. This is just another innocent decision I made. I really think that I need to move away from a lot of things that happening around me and spend some time for myself. I haven’t been catching up on myself lately. It has been a very long time that I had actually reflected on my life. I did small snips of them before I got enlisted, but they didn’t cover everything. I think it is time now that I actually reflect upon the things since 2008. Yes, it’s a year of reflections. And for that I need time. It may take hours (which is so unlikely), it may take days, even weeks, or months (even more unlikely). Whatever it is, I have decided that this ‘soul searching’ is rather important at this point in time. People may think that it’s too early. I’m 18 and relatively young to be dwelling too much about life and future. But to me, it’s just the first part of the many parts to come in the future years. This is just the foundation initiation of my soul search. I wouldn’t want a weak base to begin with when the time comes for me to set foot into the real world.
Yes. This is just another innocent decision I made. I really think that I need to move away from a lot of things that happening around me and spend some time for myself. I haven’t been catching up on myself lately. It has been a very long time that I had actually reflected on my life. I did small snips of them before I got enlisted, but they didn’t cover everything. I think it is time now that I actually reflect upon the things since 2008. Yes, it’s a year of reflections. And for that I need time. It may take hours (which is so unlikely), it may take days, even weeks, or months (even more unlikely). Whatever it is, I have decided that this ‘soul searching’ is rather important at this point in time. People may think that it’s too early. I’m 18 and relatively young to be dwelling too much about life and future. But to me, it’s just the first part of the many parts to come in the future years. This is just the foundation initiation of my soul search. I wouldn’t want a weak base to begin with when the time comes for me to set foot into the real world.
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Honestly, I miss my school life. To be more exact, my JC life. I never thought that JC life would be having the greatest impact on my school life thus far. I always thought that my secondary school life was the best. Not until now. JC life has proven to be far better – in terms of enjoyment, achievement, lessons – both academically and life ones, friendship… Well, basically, after so many things that I went through in NYJC, there’s no reason why I shouldn’t be missing NY. More like, I must miss NY. Thanks NY – especially 0705 and ICS!!!
_-_-_-_
Patience. People who know me know that I rarely get angry. More like, never gotten angry before. I’m of course proud to say that I never did get angry before, or even if I did, I have never showed it out.
I never really understood people who come and tell me that they were once people who were very hot-tempered but now they are more toned down. Well, to me temper is just an emotion. Why is it that difficult to control? I personally never felt ‘anger’. So I don’t really know the feeling of being angry and the explosive causes that makes one blow up.
Interestingly, a few days ago, I was thinking about patience. The next day, my godsister Prasana was chatting with me regarding this same issue. Haha. Random but coincidental. You can visit her blog to see what we actually chatted about. She practically posted the whole conversation there.
Basically, is there a limit to being patient? How patient can/should someone be?
I believe that the patience-meter differs amongst individuals. People tend to be more patient to people whom they love or whom they are closer to. This is because they are relatively willing to sacrifice more – whether time or things depending on the situation.
For example, I remember there was once where I had to wait in little India for 2 hours (plus plus) for my sister. I’m not very sure whether I will spend that same two hours waiting for someone whom I newly made friend with (honestly, I think I might). I mean, that’s the basic human instinct. Once they get frustrated of waiting, they just move on with what they need to do. They do have a limit of patience. Once that line is crossed, then comes anger.
I never really understood people who come and tell me that they were once people who were very hot-tempered but now they are more toned down. Well, to me temper is just an emotion. Why is it that difficult to control? I personally never felt ‘anger’. So I don’t really know the feeling of being angry and the explosive causes that makes one blow up.
Interestingly, a few days ago, I was thinking about patience. The next day, my godsister Prasana was chatting with me regarding this same issue. Haha. Random but coincidental. You can visit her blog to see what we actually chatted about. She practically posted the whole conversation there.
Basically, is there a limit to being patient? How patient can/should someone be?
I believe that the patience-meter differs amongst individuals. People tend to be more patient to people whom they love or whom they are closer to. This is because they are relatively willing to sacrifice more – whether time or things depending on the situation.
For example, I remember there was once where I had to wait in little India for 2 hours (plus plus) for my sister. I’m not very sure whether I will spend that same two hours waiting for someone whom I newly made friend with (honestly, I think I might). I mean, that’s the basic human instinct. Once they get frustrated of waiting, they just move on with what they need to do. They do have a limit of patience. Once that line is crossed, then comes anger.
(it's at this point of time where i lost my train of thoughts. i don't remember why. and that's the reason for the abrupt stop in the post about patience.)
........................................................................
I still remember how I dreaded my last book in. Not because of the stay in or the training. The last book in was would have been one of the best especially since it meant that I would only be in camp for three days before my next book out. But something just didn’t seem right and I didn’t feel nice booking in. I felt that I was leaving something behind, leaving something unattended and the outcome wouldn’t be so good when I return. I just couldn’t put my finger to it. Even now, I don’t know what it is that I’m missing out or ignoring, but I know the outcome is something I don’t wish for.
Like how things are going about now. Not the exact way I expected. However, I daresay that I was prepared for how the situations took turns. Haha. Like the saying goes, ‘better to be safe than be sorry’. Pretty much all of the issues haven’t been settled for a very long time and I haven’t been putting in much effort trying to solve them. I have been leaving time to settle them but it’s just taking a little too long and it doesn’t seem it to help. And so here comes the innocent decision where I plan to do a little something extra to put a fullstop to certain issues. At least I will be a little more prepared to tackle things if they manage to continue.
Like how things are going about now. Not the exact way I expected. However, I daresay that I was prepared for how the situations took turns. Haha. Like the saying goes, ‘better to be safe than be sorry’. Pretty much all of the issues haven’t been settled for a very long time and I haven’t been putting in much effort trying to solve them. I have been leaving time to settle them but it’s just taking a little too long and it doesn’t seem it to help. And so here comes the innocent decision where I plan to do a little something extra to put a fullstop to certain issues. At least I will be a little more prepared to tackle things if they manage to continue.
~~~~~
Ragha never believed in love – slightly more towards BGR but it still includes any other relationships, especially after all that had happened, not only to him but people all around him. And so now he has really confirmed that love is just bullshit. Haha. So crude, but that’s his believe and so it becomes hard to change. He just wants to put it across to a few out there that it’s time they move on with life. No point waiting for that Ragha ‘wierdo’ to change his mind. Yes, there might be a change but not as what you expect but far from something that you would actually wish for. He wants to be direct and frank but thinks that it will be a little too harsh. Well, he is being nice here. He is blatantly trying to put just this basic statement across – “ Ragha is never going to change his decision, so please do not waste your time, effort, money and everything else waiting for him. He is moving on and doesn’t want to waste time entertaining your love efforts, although he appreciates them”.
Till the next time,
Cheers Folks.
Ragha :)
¶ 2:18 PM 0 Comments
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Worried parents.
Well, I still remember my mum and sister sending me off to Tekong on 12th December 2008. They weren't exactly worried. But as a son, who has been rather close with my mum, for the past 18 years, I knew that my mum was worried/anxious about her second son going to NS.
Yes. People perceive NS as some torture camp. Not me though. I kinda accepted the fact that NS is a passage every guy has to go through. It's not like any guy has a choice. Whether or not it is tough, just go through it. Many have done it, why not you? That question is sort of famous in NS. Some boys I know start to dread the fact that they have to go NS when they are 14,15 years of age. That's quite young. Maybe a 16,17 wouldn't be that bad.
Well, parents seem to think otherwise. They don't worry about their son going to NS until the time comes. And when the time comes, they become super worried and think too much.
My mum is exceptional though and that's thanks to me. Because she knew that or sort of guessed that I was prepared for NS. More like I was waiting to go in.
When I saw the direct enlistees getting enlisted during the the early Jan, I could sense the emotions my mum would have gone through at that point of time. Especailly the part where the parents eat the "last lunch" with their sons. The atmosphere when I was getting enlisted was different since I was the one going in. The atmosphere when the others were enlisting was totally different because I was observing. It was rather solemn. Really. Parents just didn't want to show their sons that they were worried. They were all hiding their emotions because they knew that their sons were equally worried and upset that they would be stranded on an island far away from home.
And today I had a chance to witness parents/families having to part with a member. My God Sister Gayathri, who recently got married was flying off to UK with her husband for two years. The whole family was down - uncles and aunties inclduing - to send her off. Well, she wasn't that emotionally affected at first. But as time passed she became upset slowly.
And when the screen showed "gate open", that's when the tears started pouring. Yes she cried. Her parents cried. Her aunt cried. Well, it was really emotionally touching. To see someone close to heart crying because she has to leave her family here and go off with another loved one to somewhere far. Those emotions can't be simply explained by words. What I saw still stays in my eyes. Haha... Nice parents, nice daughter, nice family.
Life's just like that. Things happen the way they are supposed to. Just go with the flow. But never have regrets!!! ¶ 11:58 PM 0 Comments
Well, I still remember my mum and sister sending me off to Tekong on 12th December 2008. They weren't exactly worried. But as a son, who has been rather close with my mum, for the past 18 years, I knew that my mum was worried/anxious about her second son going to NS.
Yes. People perceive NS as some torture camp. Not me though. I kinda accepted the fact that NS is a passage every guy has to go through. It's not like any guy has a choice. Whether or not it is tough, just go through it. Many have done it, why not you? That question is sort of famous in NS. Some boys I know start to dread the fact that they have to go NS when they are 14,15 years of age. That's quite young. Maybe a 16,17 wouldn't be that bad.
Well, parents seem to think otherwise. They don't worry about their son going to NS until the time comes. And when the time comes, they become super worried and think too much.
My mum is exceptional though and that's thanks to me. Because she knew that or sort of guessed that I was prepared for NS. More like I was waiting to go in.
When I saw the direct enlistees getting enlisted during the the early Jan, I could sense the emotions my mum would have gone through at that point of time. Especailly the part where the parents eat the "last lunch" with their sons. The atmosphere when I was getting enlisted was different since I was the one going in. The atmosphere when the others were enlisting was totally different because I was observing. It was rather solemn. Really. Parents just didn't want to show their sons that they were worried. They were all hiding their emotions because they knew that their sons were equally worried and upset that they would be stranded on an island far away from home.
And today I had a chance to witness parents/families having to part with a member. My God Sister Gayathri, who recently got married was flying off to UK with her husband for two years. The whole family was down - uncles and aunties inclduing - to send her off. Well, she wasn't that emotionally affected at first. But as time passed she became upset slowly.
And when the screen showed "gate open", that's when the tears started pouring. Yes she cried. Her parents cried. Her aunt cried. Well, it was really emotionally touching. To see someone close to heart crying because she has to leave her family here and go off with another loved one to somewhere far. Those emotions can't be simply explained by words. What I saw still stays in my eyes. Haha... Nice parents, nice daughter, nice family.
Life's just like that. Things happen the way they are supposed to. Just go with the flow. But never have regrets!!! ¶ 11:58 PM 0 Comments
I was sitting in my bunk one day and this random thought came into my mind. Is looks everything? Interestingly, when reading today’s paper (Straits Times), it had a ‘talkback’ column in Stomp which had the same topic. Haha. How coincidental right?
I’m not saying I was never a vain pot. Of course, looks did bother to me. I was always extra cautious on how I look. I used to think that I am handsome (even now I do). I know that I’m not the most handsome one out there and that there are people who far better looking than me. That didn’t bother me lah – as in I was never jealous of that. I used to think that by being at my best – in terms of dressing and looks, more people would ‘like’ me.
Somewhere during my mid-teenage, about two to three years ago, I couldn’t be bothered about looks anymore. I was very rigid in the way I looked. For instance, my hairstyle. I was very sure that I will never change it and I would always want to look the way I am. I decided that looking presentable was enough.
Last year, I decided to have a different look. That’s how the guy in the blog photo (above) came about. This change wasn’t because I wanted to fit in or so. But it was just that I thought that as long as I feel comfortable with the way I am, I can carry myself better within the society.
And now, the question is – does looks really matter? THINK!!!
Is it hard for someone who is ‘ugly’ to survive in today’s world? Firstly, how do you define someone as ugly? Haha. I mean, being handsome, hot, cute – all these have their own definitions. But being ugly??? Is it just when someone doesn’t like the way one looks or dresses?
Imagine someone who is like the most handsome person you know. One day, unfortunately, he meets with a terrible accident. That bad accident disfigures his face badly that he no longer has the ‘good’ looks. (I know this sounds a little too far fetched). Does his looks matter now?
Yes, only if he is some model or some air steward. Other than that, does he being ‘ugly’ have any impact on how he survives in the society?
Some careers requires the beauty factor like being an air steward, model, front desk receptionist… But is beauty the only required factor?
Like the saying goes – “beauty is in the eye of the beholder”. (Not BEER-holder). Basically, I feel that as long as you are comfortable with the way you are – in dressing and the way you look, you can carry yourself better. Confidence will just come by itself when you are comfortable with who you are. Why bother about what people think about you? When you know that you are happy looking this way, then the comment of others can never bring you down. Only when you start doubting whether you really look good and become too self-conscious, then the comment by others will sure pull your confidence down.
Being yourself is the best way to look good.
Beauty comes from inside. Not from the outside. Yes. People may look gorgeous but filled with a filthy mind, thoughts and words. Is that beauty??? Imagine a model. Yes, she’s pretty, that’s why she is a model. You meet that gorgeous model one day in public and being her ardent fan, you smile and wave at her. How does she react? She just walks away, pretending like she never saw you. Beauty at its worst? Or imagine, you see that you strike a conversation with that hot model and she goes “FO dude”. Would her beauty still be what you go for?
Character. Personality. Charisma. Actions. Thoughts. Love. ¶ 12:33 PM 0 Comments
I’m not saying I was never a vain pot. Of course, looks did bother to me. I was always extra cautious on how I look. I used to think that I am handsome (even now I do). I know that I’m not the most handsome one out there and that there are people who far better looking than me. That didn’t bother me lah – as in I was never jealous of that. I used to think that by being at my best – in terms of dressing and looks, more people would ‘like’ me.
Somewhere during my mid-teenage, about two to three years ago, I couldn’t be bothered about looks anymore. I was very rigid in the way I looked. For instance, my hairstyle. I was very sure that I will never change it and I would always want to look the way I am. I decided that looking presentable was enough.
Last year, I decided to have a different look. That’s how the guy in the blog photo (above) came about. This change wasn’t because I wanted to fit in or so. But it was just that I thought that as long as I feel comfortable with the way I am, I can carry myself better within the society.
And now, the question is – does looks really matter? THINK!!!
Is it hard for someone who is ‘ugly’ to survive in today’s world? Firstly, how do you define someone as ugly? Haha. I mean, being handsome, hot, cute – all these have their own definitions. But being ugly??? Is it just when someone doesn’t like the way one looks or dresses?
Imagine someone who is like the most handsome person you know. One day, unfortunately, he meets with a terrible accident. That bad accident disfigures his face badly that he no longer has the ‘good’ looks. (I know this sounds a little too far fetched). Does his looks matter now?
Yes, only if he is some model or some air steward. Other than that, does he being ‘ugly’ have any impact on how he survives in the society?
Some careers requires the beauty factor like being an air steward, model, front desk receptionist… But is beauty the only required factor?
Like the saying goes – “beauty is in the eye of the beholder”. (Not BEER-holder). Basically, I feel that as long as you are comfortable with the way you are – in dressing and the way you look, you can carry yourself better. Confidence will just come by itself when you are comfortable with who you are. Why bother about what people think about you? When you know that you are happy looking this way, then the comment of others can never bring you down. Only when you start doubting whether you really look good and become too self-conscious, then the comment by others will sure pull your confidence down.
Being yourself is the best way to look good.
Beauty comes from inside. Not from the outside. Yes. People may look gorgeous but filled with a filthy mind, thoughts and words. Is that beauty??? Imagine a model. Yes, she’s pretty, that’s why she is a model. You meet that gorgeous model one day in public and being her ardent fan, you smile and wave at her. How does she react? She just walks away, pretending like she never saw you. Beauty at its worst? Or imagine, you see that you strike a conversation with that hot model and she goes “FO dude”. Would her beauty still be what you go for?
Character. Personality. Charisma. Actions. Thoughts. Love. ¶ 12:33 PM 0 Comments
Friday, January 2, 2009
See that photo there. That's me and my Dad.
Reasons why I uploaded this photo:
- Not many people has seen my Dad. For those who haven't, yeah, this is my Dad.
- And that's me - botak head. Many people wanted to see me with my "new" hairstyle. So here it is.
- This is like one of the very rarest moments that I actually take a 'good' shot with my Dad. If I'm not wrong, this could be the first ever photo that I took with my Dad, since teenage years.
- This photo was taken in Changi airport today morning. Yesh. My Dad's flying off to India. Not for vacation but for military training. 6 months!!!
OH BOY. I'm sure gonna miss that old man... I'm serving the nation as a NS man while my Dad's serving the nation as a military personnel. Hmmm... I will be away for three months and he 6 months...
Cheers Dad. Love You.
¶ 2:48 PM 0 Comments
