Innocent Decision
Saturday, February 21, 2009
For some reason, i think love is just pure bullshit! Haha. Don't ask me why. Maybe b'coz every person who seems to fall in love becomes depressed or upset in the end while all those who remain single, seem to be happy. Haha... Or is it just the way i see it?
Honestly, tell me. Doesn't love create pain? I mean, i have gone through a relationship. I'm not denying that my relationship wasn't exactly a smooth one. It did of course have its ups and downs. Sometimes things just get too out of hand and occupy your mind for like a long period of time, affecting your emotions and thoughts. I dunno... I just think love is pure bullshit. I can't seem to 'love' anyone around me anymore. Like the feeling of love is now a sin or something that's pretty hard to do. Well, that's the effect of having certain people around you who teach you the 'true' meaning of love!
I have been writing alot of poems while sitting in my bunk. Alot... Three in tamil and 2 in English. But i'm still thinking whether i should upload them up here. Haha... Seriously, now that most of the high key events are over in NS, there's alot of free time and i just don't know what to do. And what happens when Ragha is given time and nothing to do, he thinks. Amazingly, the recent thoughts seem to surface out as poems, in tamil and english. Haha.
Oh. I was reading this booked called "My story" - a trilogy. It's written by Dave Pelzer. It's about his life story, if i'm not wrong. For some strange reason, I'm simply addicted to that book. It's not mine actually. It belongs to one of the fiercest commander in my company. That booked had touched my heart so much that i took the extra effort to approach that particular commander to ask whether i could borrow that book. He agreed and i have been reading it since the time i booked out, even during the bus ride, which i usually sleep in. Very rarely do i get addicted to books and this particular one - i really wouldn't mind spending money buying it.
I have been thinking about this love of mine for the past few days. NOT my girlfriend. Just someone very close to my heart. I don't know why. I call her like almost everyday but for some reason, just think alot about her. Every minute i see her right in front of me. It's something i never experienced before, especially with this particular person. And it is extremely wierd that i'm going through such a feeling now, when BMT is almost coming to an end. It would have seemed normal if such a feeling had existed during the start of BMT. But to feel such now, when it's ending just seems so wrong and funny...
Well, then again, love is bullshit... So, i shouldn't be bothering so much about it right?! RIGHT?!?!? :) ¶ 11:52 PM 0 Comments
Honestly, tell me. Doesn't love create pain? I mean, i have gone through a relationship. I'm not denying that my relationship wasn't exactly a smooth one. It did of course have its ups and downs. Sometimes things just get too out of hand and occupy your mind for like a long period of time, affecting your emotions and thoughts. I dunno... I just think love is pure bullshit. I can't seem to 'love' anyone around me anymore. Like the feeling of love is now a sin or something that's pretty hard to do. Well, that's the effect of having certain people around you who teach you the 'true' meaning of love!
I have been writing alot of poems while sitting in my bunk. Alot... Three in tamil and 2 in English. But i'm still thinking whether i should upload them up here. Haha... Seriously, now that most of the high key events are over in NS, there's alot of free time and i just don't know what to do. And what happens when Ragha is given time and nothing to do, he thinks. Amazingly, the recent thoughts seem to surface out as poems, in tamil and english. Haha.
Oh. I was reading this booked called "My story" - a trilogy. It's written by Dave Pelzer. It's about his life story, if i'm not wrong. For some strange reason, I'm simply addicted to that book. It's not mine actually. It belongs to one of the fiercest commander in my company. That booked had touched my heart so much that i took the extra effort to approach that particular commander to ask whether i could borrow that book. He agreed and i have been reading it since the time i booked out, even during the bus ride, which i usually sleep in. Very rarely do i get addicted to books and this particular one - i really wouldn't mind spending money buying it.
I have been thinking about this love of mine for the past few days. NOT my girlfriend. Just someone very close to my heart. I don't know why. I call her like almost everyday but for some reason, just think alot about her. Every minute i see her right in front of me. It's something i never experienced before, especially with this particular person. And it is extremely wierd that i'm going through such a feeling now, when BMT is almost coming to an end. It would have seemed normal if such a feeling had existed during the start of BMT. But to feel such now, when it's ending just seems so wrong and funny...
Well, then again, love is bullshit... So, i shouldn't be bothering so much about it right?! RIGHT?!?!? :) ¶ 11:52 PM 0 Comments
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
I was thinking of this particular situation. Imagine two ladders. Side by side. You are climbing one. Your friend on another. You both are working colleagues. You both start the journey together. He isn’t as good as you and he is very much dependent on you. He seeks help from you almost all the time and you being “Mr.Nice” help him in all the ways you can. Little did you realize that after each help, he is moving up the ladder, faster than you are.
After a few years, you look up and realize that he is 10 steps above you. And you are just a few steps above the original step where you started from. You know deep in your heart that it is because of your helps that he is actually up there. He knows it too.
Nonetheless, he still takes the effort to come down, occasionally to where you stand. For what? To seek for more help. And you being the always nice one, still continue to help. You know that each help brings him further away from you and that it does not reap a single benefit to you. You have to work triple hard to actually reach the step your friend is at. But each time you help your friend, he moves two steps higher.
Eventually, after many many years, you look up to see your friend as a tiny dot, far above from you. You continue looking up to see whether he comes down at all or even turns back to wave or at least smile. You wait but nothing happens.
After sometime, you realize that the step you have been standing on has started to give way. It’s either you move up fast or you let go of the ladder and go in search of another ladder. What would you do?
It’s not recognition for the help that you did that you want from him. It’s not an award either. It’s not the word “thanks”, although it can be simply said, whether or not sincere. It’s just acknowledging your presence that you need. To you the help may seem huge. To him it could just be minor…
So, how far can you render your help to people? Is helping a boon or a bane?
After a few years, you look up and realize that he is 10 steps above you. And you are just a few steps above the original step where you started from. You know deep in your heart that it is because of your helps that he is actually up there. He knows it too.
Nonetheless, he still takes the effort to come down, occasionally to where you stand. For what? To seek for more help. And you being the always nice one, still continue to help. You know that each help brings him further away from you and that it does not reap a single benefit to you. You have to work triple hard to actually reach the step your friend is at. But each time you help your friend, he moves two steps higher.
Eventually, after many many years, you look up to see your friend as a tiny dot, far above from you. You continue looking up to see whether he comes down at all or even turns back to wave or at least smile. You wait but nothing happens.
After sometime, you realize that the step you have been standing on has started to give way. It’s either you move up fast or you let go of the ladder and go in search of another ladder. What would you do?
It’s not recognition for the help that you did that you want from him. It’s not an award either. It’s not the word “thanks”, although it can be simply said, whether or not sincere. It’s just acknowledging your presence that you need. To you the help may seem huge. To him it could just be minor…
So, how far can you render your help to people? Is helping a boon or a bane?
---
I realized that someday in everybody’s life, there will be a major turn that they will have to take. It’s like they have no choice because they can’t go back and the road ahead is blocked. That major turn can come anytime and it will of course decided the rest of you life. For some it can come as early as 20, for other it could be 35, for others it could be at 47. But whichever age it comes at, that turn is the turn that GOD has decided for you.
All these while when you make decisions, you have many options that you can take. You narrow them down as much as possible to choose the one you think is best. Sometimes, you can make a U-turn, sometimes you just carry on and wait till the road mergers with the main road. Sometimes, you just go through the tunnel long enough until you see some light ahead and you know that GOD is still there. Some just speed through life as though it is some expressway.
But this one major turn that you take in life, where you have no other options is one that GOD has decided for you. That’s called fate. Whatever happens before this is you error, your human error. Whatever happens after this is called fate – what GOD wrote way before you were born and the life GOD has paved for you. For me, I haven’t reached that major turn yet but I’m lost at all the windings and excessive pathways to take!
We are driving on an ever-changing road called life. What’s most important is to turn at the right bends at the right speed at the right time yet holding on the steering wheel called principles!
¶ 11:12 AM 0 Comments
I realized that someday in everybody’s life, there will be a major turn that they will have to take. It’s like they have no choice because they can’t go back and the road ahead is blocked. That major turn can come anytime and it will of course decided the rest of you life. For some it can come as early as 20, for other it could be 35, for others it could be at 47. But whichever age it comes at, that turn is the turn that GOD has decided for you.
All these while when you make decisions, you have many options that you can take. You narrow them down as much as possible to choose the one you think is best. Sometimes, you can make a U-turn, sometimes you just carry on and wait till the road mergers with the main road. Sometimes, you just go through the tunnel long enough until you see some light ahead and you know that GOD is still there. Some just speed through life as though it is some expressway.
But this one major turn that you take in life, where you have no other options is one that GOD has decided for you. That’s called fate. Whatever happens before this is you error, your human error. Whatever happens after this is called fate – what GOD wrote way before you were born and the life GOD has paved for you. For me, I haven’t reached that major turn yet but I’m lost at all the windings and excessive pathways to take!
We are driving on an ever-changing road called life. What’s most important is to turn at the right bends at the right speed at the right time yet holding on the steering wheel called principles!
Sunday, February 15, 2009
I realised that the last post that i typed was like half a month ago. Time really seems to fly. Haven't been catching up with alot of stuff. But apparently, the flu and fever bug managed to catch up with me. It has been extremely long since i fell ill, like months. However, i fell ill like a week ago and have been suffering from fever till now. The highest my temperature tose to was 39.5, one night when i was in my bunk. Gosh, wonder when this fever bug will leave me!
Oh. Happy Belated Valentines Day to everyone. Haha. I never really understood nor cared about why we actually celebrated V'day. Neither was it one of the big events in a year that i await for. It just seems to be another normal day for me, where you can see people loitering around with bouquets and gifts and what not. I seriously don't see the need to have V'day because i personally feel that any day can become a V'day if you just express your love to anyone at anytime in life.
Sometimes in life you just wanna say so much but you know that there won't be a change.
Sometimes in life you just wished somethings didn't happen.
Sometimes in life you just wait for the right situation but it doesn't come.
Sometimes in life you just make a decision and think that it's the best.
Sometimes in life you just hope that you can turn time around.
Sometimes in life you just feel alone.
Sometimes in life you just wanna be alone.
Sometimes in life you just don't accept the changes you see around you.
And yes, this "sometimes" list goes on and on and on. It doesn't stop. But this life up there was created instantly and randomnly. Even I don't know why these things came up in my mind!!!
Thaipusam 09 was super fun. I didn't personally follow any kavadis. I just stayed at Perumal temple and observed all the kavadis. There were many different, creative and unique designs of kavadis this year. Some were super nice and of course, my camera was put to use! I will upload the photos soon, although it will be a little outdated by the time it's done.
Well, on Thaipusam, my godsis Devaki told me this "Annae you go NS become more seriuos."
Honestly my dear, it's not because of NS that i have become more serious. It is because of things that are happening around me that i have decided to be like this. I prefer being this way and i don't wanna fall into that same trap that i had fallen in, not once, not twice! It's hard to explain but time will do the explanation...
Till then,
Signing off
RaghaBoi ¶ 12:53 PM 0 Comments
Oh. Happy Belated Valentines Day to everyone. Haha. I never really understood nor cared about why we actually celebrated V'day. Neither was it one of the big events in a year that i await for. It just seems to be another normal day for me, where you can see people loitering around with bouquets and gifts and what not. I seriously don't see the need to have V'day because i personally feel that any day can become a V'day if you just express your love to anyone at anytime in life.
Sometimes in life you just wanna say so much but you know that there won't be a change.
Sometimes in life you just wished somethings didn't happen.
Sometimes in life you just wait for the right situation but it doesn't come.
Sometimes in life you just make a decision and think that it's the best.
Sometimes in life you just hope that you can turn time around.
Sometimes in life you just feel alone.
Sometimes in life you just wanna be alone.
Sometimes in life you just don't accept the changes you see around you.
And yes, this "sometimes" list goes on and on and on. It doesn't stop. But this life up there was created instantly and randomnly. Even I don't know why these things came up in my mind!!!
Thaipusam 09 was super fun. I didn't personally follow any kavadis. I just stayed at Perumal temple and observed all the kavadis. There were many different, creative and unique designs of kavadis this year. Some were super nice and of course, my camera was put to use! I will upload the photos soon, although it will be a little outdated by the time it's done.
Well, on Thaipusam, my godsis Devaki told me this "Annae you go NS become more seriuos."
Honestly my dear, it's not because of NS that i have become more serious. It is because of things that are happening around me that i have decided to be like this. I prefer being this way and i don't wanna fall into that same trap that i had fallen in, not once, not twice! It's hard to explain but time will do the explanation...
Till then,
Signing off
RaghaBoi ¶ 12:53 PM 0 Comments
