I decided to blog before i head of to SISPEC. Yes, in case you don't know yet, i got posted to SISPEC after my BMT. Basically SISPEC is the sergeant course, for those who never heard of that term before. Need to travel all the way to boon lay! Pretty far eh? No choice la.

I don't think this blog will be updated anytime until maybe after my sister's birthday or something. Oh, a gentle reminder people. My sister's birthday is on 7th April. Just follow the countdown at the left side to know how many more days to her birthday.

Honestly, i'm not prepared for camp. It's got nothing to do with camp per say, but just that i'm leaving many things unattended before i go in. Many things... Just can't seem to solve them on time... Not gonna blog about them here and bore people to death. Haha.

Oh. I was reading a philosophy book titled "Why is there something rather than nothing?". I dunno who it was written by because his name is rather long and confusing unlike those normal names like James or John. Haha. I didn't read the whole book because i felt that his writing was rather repetitive. But there was this specific article from this book that actually captured my attention. Something to do with fate. Of course, something that i like.

It actually linked whatever that happens to mankind to the work of GOD. It also said that we cannot 'order' GOD to do this and that for us - order in this sense is to wish for something - because he has already written what is in store for us way before we even started to breathe. So, when our wishes don't seem to come true, it just means that GOD is doing justice to you by following what he has planned and not being influenced by you and your wishes, which does not have any guarantee.

I have been thinking about this lately. It may sound random to many but it maybe useful to some people; people like me too.

"In life we end up chasing our dream. We chase them in hope that we achieve that one day. However, sometimes, we just end up crashing. It puts a fullstop to that dream, temporarily. It doesn't mean that you can't move on to achieve that goal. As much as moving on is hard, it becomes a neccessity. Sometimes, being selfish is also not wrong when things don't work the way you want to, if and only if you have tried with intergrity and justice. See where life leads you when you fall back but don't let it kill you. Follow the path u see right ahead if your heart tells you so. You're sure about what you are doing, go ahead. But never regret. Always have something to fall back on because you don't wanna be stranded on an island with nowhere to go and noone to turn to. If people aren't there, it doesn't mean they don't care. It could mean that they need you there too. If depression knocks on your door, allow it in. Have a cup of coffee with it and then tell it to F-off because happiness is waiting to enter. You cannot totally avoid depression because it's waiting at your doorstep. And trust me, it's far stronger than happiness when you aren't ready for the challenges that you may face in the future."

till i blog again...

Where death begins,
Ragha :)

  ¶ 9:07 PM 0 Comments

 

This is Kanegal, probably before going temple.

Yes she is a pious girl. She loves GOD. Just like the rest of the Navaz. You should be able to see her in any major festival like Thaipusam, Panguni, of course THEEMITHI!!!

She loves bharathanatyam. And i love watching her dance it. Especially during Navarathiri. I always make that extra effort to be there during her first performance, at South Bridge Mariamman temple. Last year, she did her solo performance. Was superb!!! I remember blogging about it.

This is Kanegal eating and being her natural self. Silly Kane.

So that's Kanegal for you. Oh... She's single (ready to mingle). Hot and pretty. So... Haha...

Whatever it is, I love my Kadai Kutti Kanegal.

And of course, my NAVAZ... :)

  ¶ 6:45 PM 0 Comments

  Trust me. I'm having ALOT of things running in my mind. Especially after what i have seen and read online.


Let me start with my dearest sister Vitz. I am a big fan of her blog and it was super irritating to see her blog not updated for like weeks. The last post was 5th March until her recent post that was today. Well, you wanna know what she wrote, go read her blog la. But what i read in her blog made me feel so proud of her. I even told her that right after reading it and she was like "Why da?". And i said "Dunno."

Honestly, Vitz is a person who sure knows how to live life, as far as i know her. Her A level results weren't as expected, especially her Econs. Yes, she was super depressed after her results. I still remember her msg "Very. Heartbroken.". I remember staring at the msg - and trust me, nothing was going through my mind at that point of time. I have never seen Vitz heartbroken before. Of course i have seen her go mad when she is studying. (Haha... And all the fun we had in RP flows in now!!!) But not so upset until like depression. Vitz never fails to make people around her smile, seriously. Every single study session i had with her was sure filled with laughter, every minute. That's the type of girl she is. Always laughing and talking rubbish. But to hear being upset (i didn't see her being upset), i just felt so helpless... I remember typing many SMSes to her but i didn't send any of them to her. Cos i knew that they weren't of any help.

After reading her blog... And seeing the decision that she has made after the major setback... I know that my Vitz is back - back to action to rock the world!!! Her confidence, her attitude, her style, the way she lives her life - bascially just her -that's what i love about her. Just her simply being herself. Love you sister! Always there for you! Cheers!

and and and... Sometimes, there are something that you wanna blog but just can't seem to blog... Something that was so deep in your heart, now at your fingertips but you just cannot type them out... Afraid??? It's importance??? Or it's nothingness???

'it's tokyo drift'.

I JUST WANNA SHOUT OUT LOUD!!!  ¶ 10:25 PM 0 Comments

  Just this issue about death. Something that I have been thinking about lately. Why? 'Cos of this book i'm reading. Let me start of a little on this book.

It's entitled "Pet Sematary". It's supposed to be "Pet Cemetery". Well, the title is such because it's about this place with such a name given to it by kids. Apparently, the kids had spelt it wrongly and so the book was given that name. Well, it's supposed to be a thriller. Rather nice as far as i have read it. Quite interesting and of course, thrilling. I won't spoil the story by telling about it here.

Somehow the story revolves around the issue of death (not surprising at all because the title speaks for itself). Interestingly, this issue, more than the thrill or storyline, has made me want to read more of the book. Questions like 'when should death be discussed with kids?", "how hard is it to cope with the death of a loved one?' and so on... It does make me think and the book also provides another perspective of answers to those questions.

Death is in no doubt a sensitive issue. However, like the book mentions, 'death is natural', just as birth is. I mean, people see birth as something normal but why not death? Isn't it a natural process? Flowers bloom, they wither and die. Even animals. Talk about a cockroach. It's born, crawls up some wall in your house, gets attacked by Shieldtox (or Baygon, whichever you use), falls to the floor, struggles and dies. The death of a pest seems normal to people but why not the death of a fellow human being? Okay, maybe not so much of a fellow human being but of their loved ones.

It is true that it is hard to leave something u love so deeply. It's just funny how some people take it so hard on themselves when someone close to heart dies. They mourn so much and blame GOD, curse GOD and attack him with million questions. But deep down they do know that none of this, NOTHING, is going to bring back the dead.

In the book there will be this conversation between a 6 year old girl and her father about the death of their neighbour. She asks her dad "Why must she die?" And the dad remains silent. She continues, " Jesus bought Lazarus back to life. He said "Lazarus come forth' and Lazarus came back to life. Why can't he do the same to her?". (I have never read the whole Bible before so i ain't pretty sure of such incident occuring). Imagine someone posts you such a question?

Questions like, "Why her?", or "Why now?", or "Why does he have to die like that?" or even "Why must people die?". Honestly, I used to ponder upon such questions, especially the last one - "Why must people die". Hmmm. A tricky question of course. Until now i haven't found the answer but i know someday i will. I know that there is sure an answer to that very question that everyone would have asked themselves sometime in their lives. I'm also very sure that the answer will be a simplistic one, something too simple to digest that it is actually the answer to such a complexed question.

And so, about Lazarus coming back to life. It brings about another question. Is there something as rebirth, reincarnation? I asked this question out of the blue to someone (she was taken aback. DUH!!!) and she replied with a confident "yes". I didn't bother asking more as I was deep in thoughts myself. Soul and flesh (body) - two totally different things, merged into one or two completely related things, divided? People say that the flesh can be destroyed not the soul. And so comes the question, "Where does the soul go?"...

This is something that I wouldn't wanna dwell into at such a young age or at this point in time of my life. Seriously, i'm sure i'll go berserk if i go any deeper into finding the answers for this question. But of course, i wouldn't just bury them and not go back... I will find the time, sometime in 50 years or so to reply to this question - not through my blog la, through my heart!

  ¶ 11:45 PM 0 Comments

  Well...
A's results gone. POP done and over with.
Two things that matter most now :
1) Choice of University and course
2) Where the hell I'm going to get posted to after BMT

Well, indeed they are choices that will affect my life. Depending on where I'm going to be posted may affect my career, since I'm considering signing on with the army as a regular. So... Hoping for the best.

As for university... Went to NUS and NTU open houses today. Was of great help, in terms of what each course deals with and what I can expect to learn in the 3 or 4 years in that programme. Also the pre-requisites for the courses. Well, my mathematics, although not good, is of help as most of the sciences need mathematics as a subject for admission criteria. Have gotta sit and decide what course I want...

Oh... I met my NYJC friend in NTU today. We were quite close in college but today he was rather distant from me. I didn't say anything because he was with his girlfriend and I presumed that that was the reason. However, he SMSed me in the evening, apologising for not talking much. The SMSes sent is as follows:

Friend (F): Hey Ragha. Sorry didn't chat with you much today. Didn't feel comfortable la. Cos new environment and I wasn't very comfortable to be around with you cos u looked so "anjadi" today.

("Anjadi" by the way is a lingo used to address a gangster/rowdy)

Ragha (R): Nah. Its okay. Haha. Really meh? I looked so anjadi meh?

F: Yah. Maybe becos of the shirt. Or maybe the bag.

R: Dude, I have worn the shirt before once when we went out. And that bag is a sling bag, have to carry it like that mah.

F: I dunno la. U looked very anjadi and I didn't feel comfortable being seen with you around in a new environment.

R: It's okay dude. Nvm. Haha. We can always meet up some other day. And dun worrie, I wun be anjadi. Haha.

... And so ends their SMS conversation...

I was shocked with as SMS but I burst out laughing upon reading it. Haha. Seriously. I was in my worst state, not even dressed at my best. Not even intending to look like a anjadi. And there goes my friend telling me that i looked very anjadi. Haha. Maybe he still sees me as the college boy he had been seeing in NYJC.

But well, that's how I look. I'm comfortable with that. So I ain't pretty bothered about how people feel about me.
.................................................................................................................................................................

It was after very long that i met my godsister Shangs (Baby Devil) on Thursday. We met at the newly revamped Northpoint and ate subway. That was the first time I was eating at ANY subway outlet. Haha. My first experience at Subway with my loved one. How nice! The food there is delicious! The cookies too. And I had my second Subway experience today with my 'Gladys Gang' - buncha nonsensical girls in College. I sure did enjoy my lunch - I don't know whether it was because my friends were there or the food was really good! Haha. Subway food isn't that bad afterall.

Well, gotta go off do something more important...
Catch up with some more posts some time later.

Oh... I miss my NavaZ gang!!!  ¶ 10:52 PM 0 Comments

  I know it has been long since I blogged. Almost two weeks I guess. And of course, a lot of things have occurred in these two weeks. I don’t remember all though.

Let me start with the best part of all. I met my best friend - Han Jia Jun. I was super shocked to have met him. What are the odds that you would meet your best friend in camp, at the hand grenade range, amongst all other recruits? I was actually sleeping when he came and tapped me asking me a question. I actually didn’t recognize him. Until a while later, when I heard his voice and turned around. Woah. Trust me, I was super shocked. And of course, HAPPY. Happy like to the max. If I’m not wrong, I was super irritated that week. And seeing my best friend made my day, week, and made BMT memorable too. That happiness I felt that day was simply unexplainable. Trust me. Imagine meeting your best friend after two years. The last I saw JJ was in 2007, Teachers’ day at SJI. We went for lunch at Mos Burger, the Toa Payoh outlet. That was the last meet. He was still the same, maybe just that he lost some weight. I was so proud to introduce him to my bunkmates, telling them that “this is Jia Jun – my best friend”. Haha.

I met him again sometime this week at the Graduation Parade rehearsal. I was having my march past and he was waiting there for his turn. I smiled, so happy to see him. I am not supposed to be smiling when marching though. But the best part was the approving nod he gave, with a simple but tight smile. That action of his spoke a thousand words. That nod simply said “I know what you are going through. I’m there for you. We’re in this together.” At that moment, my fatigue just flew, knowing that after all, my best friend is going through the same thing.

In that same week when I saw Jia Jun, I saw Jerome. My best buddy from NYJC. I was marching back to camp after booking in when I heard someone call “Ragha”. I turned, saw him and waved back. Something I shouldn’t be doing when I’m marching. Haha. He looked different with the black ‘soldier’ spectacles. He looked thinner but more well- built. I was sure happy to see him. I mean, again, what are the odds that you would see your best buddy in camp, especially when your company lines are like 3km apart.

Interestingly, I met him again. I was attached to his company for my 16km route march. I know that I was going with his company, but didn’t think that I would be able to meet him because I didn’t know which platoon he was in and also, it was at night, as in really mid-night. But he found me at the first resting point. It sure did boost my morale to do the 16km, especially since I super tired after my GP rehearsal and was not in the mood to do that dumb march.

Meeting this two people sure did make my week a lot better. It was then I realized how much I missed them and how much I haven’t been catching up with them and a lot of my friends. I did meet Jerome during A levels results day. But I guess I will meet up with him again during my block leave. Have got a lot of catching up to do. Miss ya guys!

And as for my A level results. I just don’t know whether to be happy or sad. Simply confused with my results. It’s not the results I expected. But I passed overall, something I was worried about, because of my math. Most of them would know how ‘good’ my math was since secondary school days. In JC, I never crossed the U line. Every single major exam, I knew that I would be getting a U grade for math. Haha. I was super stressed when sitting in the hall because of my Tamil grade. Since I was the only student who took Tamil literature, when the principal was going through the breakdown analysis for the subjects, I would know my grade, whether it was an A or just a pass. So when the table showed ‘100% distinction’, I heaved a silent sigh of relief, knowing that I have secured my A. I remember my classmates cheering behind me. One burden down.

Next the analysis showed that there was no hundred percent passes for Math. DAMN! That sure killed my spirit I was ready to see an ‘ungraded’ on my results script. There was 100% passes for biology, which was relieving. GP – only 7% As. I hoped I had been in the 7%.

My tension died down pretty much soon after we left the hall and when people collecting their scripts. I took the paper from my tutor, who didn’t say anything much, so I figured out that my grades weren’t that bad. The first thing I did was to look at my math grade. There was no U. PHEW!!! But somehow, I wasn’t happy with the grades I got for my other subjects, like chemistry and biology. I was hoping for just one grade higher.

Well, there’s nothing that I can do now. One thing good is that I can make it t the university. The course is the issue now. Haven’t decided where I want to go and what I want to do. Never really thought about it because I was ready to retake my A levels because I was sure that I would flunk my math. Haha. Now that I didn’t, I have to make a decision regarding my university. Seriously, I feel so free now after getting my results.

The next big thing is my POP (Passing Out Parade). Next Wednesday. Not that far away. But I’m sure not looking forward to the 24km. Although I know it would be easier than the other marches because we have lesser items to carry, I don’t want to do it at night because I want to SLEEP. Haha. What a lazy ass!

And my last post about ‘love being bullshit’ received super a lot of comments. There were like soooo many SMS-es against my view. Haha. That post was super slammed la. Well, there goes the play of perspective again.

  ¶ 11:30 PM 0 Comments