Innocent Decision
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
I'm on off today. Supposed to be heading out. But well, the rain spoilt my plans and I did not have a wet weather plan (unlike my EMT POC. Ha). and so here i am, typing a post.
Was Facebook-ing. Came across Puva's post about indians and gossip. I replied to it in Facebook itself. So if you wanna read it, go to her account. But the bottom line that i wish to emphasis here is:
"Life is yours. Make the decision. Just don't regret it".
I know of many who will sigh (heavily) upon reading that particular quote mentioned above. Well, that's cos this will be the __"many"ieth time im repeating that. And well, i can bravely say that, this is the principle i base my life upon!
I know that i have made decisions that i do regret now. But well, that's way before i started following that statement. And now, when i think about it, i see no point regretting. cos after all the only thing that can change, if i sit and regret about what has happen is TIME. That, i would consider, not exactly a change but a WASTE, waste of time (if you can't really see the explicit difference).
......................................
I was walking from point to point with my colleague Jamie and was telling him how much i love the view from my bunk. If you don't know why, cos of the sunrise and maybe cos of the memory that it brings back. The time when WE (me and someone special, i suppose) stayed awake the whole night just to see the sunrise. Which turned out to be an epic failiure cos we didn't get to see it, cos of the clouds! Sad huh!
Well, it was just when i was telling him about the beauty of the sunrise that some thought raced thru my head, with regards to the sunrise and us! Just like how we did not mange to see the sunrise, could it be because we weren't meant to see it? Just like how it could be that we weren't meant to be? *Think*
I don't deny that i tried, again. I sent a friend request last weekend, only to get it rejected. Haha. And so here ends the chapter, and maybe the story itself. Abrupt it may be, that's the best ending anyone could have ever known. It's the best ending for that character!
...................
and i was having a SMS convo with this friend of mine. Somehow we had to touch on the topic of trust. And not so coincidentally, the Nijangal Drama Series was being broadcasted on TV. It was 1030 plus la. What else do u expect an indian to be doing other than watching that show! It has become an addiction.
Interestingly, the drama is entitled Nijangal, which means truth, but everything that goes on in the drama unfolds from some form of lie. Maybe that is why it is captioned as "the untold", which i personally feel is such a appropriate and fantastic choice of word! Practically every character in the drama has been living a 'fake' life.
Coming back from the drift. He asked me whether i would forgive and accept someone who has repented... And i said, "I think so". When i posted him back the same question, his answer was a definite yes. BUT "i will still suspect him la"...
So now, aren't you the one cheating him. You tell him to you accepted his apology and all but deep in your heart, you are not willing to trust him. So might as well, just tell him you don't trust him mah?!?!
Immaculate Scar
RaghaBoi :) ¶ 10:58 AM 0 Comments
Was Facebook-ing. Came across Puva's post about indians and gossip. I replied to it in Facebook itself. So if you wanna read it, go to her account. But the bottom line that i wish to emphasis here is:
"Life is yours. Make the decision. Just don't regret it".
I know of many who will sigh (heavily) upon reading that particular quote mentioned above. Well, that's cos this will be the __"many"ieth time im repeating that. And well, i can bravely say that, this is the principle i base my life upon!
I know that i have made decisions that i do regret now. But well, that's way before i started following that statement. And now, when i think about it, i see no point regretting. cos after all the only thing that can change, if i sit and regret about what has happen is TIME. That, i would consider, not exactly a change but a WASTE, waste of time (if you can't really see the explicit difference).
......................................
I was walking from point to point with my colleague Jamie and was telling him how much i love the view from my bunk. If you don't know why, cos of the sunrise and maybe cos of the memory that it brings back. The time when WE (me and someone special, i suppose) stayed awake the whole night just to see the sunrise. Which turned out to be an epic failiure cos we didn't get to see it, cos of the clouds! Sad huh!
Well, it was just when i was telling him about the beauty of the sunrise that some thought raced thru my head, with regards to the sunrise and us! Just like how we did not mange to see the sunrise, could it be because we weren't meant to see it? Just like how it could be that we weren't meant to be? *Think*
I don't deny that i tried, again. I sent a friend request last weekend, only to get it rejected. Haha. And so here ends the chapter, and maybe the story itself. Abrupt it may be, that's the best ending anyone could have ever known. It's the best ending for that character!
...................
and i was having a SMS convo with this friend of mine. Somehow we had to touch on the topic of trust. And not so coincidentally, the Nijangal Drama Series was being broadcasted on TV. It was 1030 plus la. What else do u expect an indian to be doing other than watching that show! It has become an addiction.
Interestingly, the drama is entitled Nijangal, which means truth, but everything that goes on in the drama unfolds from some form of lie. Maybe that is why it is captioned as "the untold", which i personally feel is such a appropriate and fantastic choice of word! Practically every character in the drama has been living a 'fake' life.
Coming back from the drift. He asked me whether i would forgive and accept someone who has repented... And i said, "I think so". When i posted him back the same question, his answer was a definite yes. BUT "i will still suspect him la"...
So now, aren't you the one cheating him. You tell him to you accepted his apology and all but deep in your heart, you are not willing to trust him. So might as well, just tell him you don't trust him mah?!?!
Immaculate Scar
RaghaBoi :) ¶ 10:58 AM 0 Comments
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Honestly, if you think I'm kept in the dark, I'm sorry (needless for you to forgive).
There's media, specifically Facebook. So what more do i need when I'm your friend in Facebook and you choose to upload silly photos of yourself with your "oh-so-loving" friends.
You think i should be nice any longer? Hell NO! I seriously will start doubting my sanity if i just leave of like that! Honestly, i believe my frustration isn't exactly justified! Contradiction eh. But i think it's time that i open my eyes, not that it was closed thus far. I need to open my eyes and my mouth as well! :)
And i soo miss dancing! Reminds me of all those times when i sourced my creativity into dance and not into studies! Thinking and knowing that afterall pursuing my passion is what i believe in! And well, not that i choose to differ now, but it isn't exactly a wise choice.
Nonetheless, i will still believe in pursuing my passion. Just that, in the current situation, i am very much curbed. Not that I am tied down by relationship or work, just my fears!
Did i mention? I actually was this close (not like you would know how close, however much i emphasise)... This close to admitting that i do not hate love, but just fear love. Then when i was into making an innocent decision (hmph!) whether that was true, i took the SAFE step back. No! It's not my fear that makes me want to not believe in love. It's just my innocent decision to not believe in love. Haha.
However much i can be a fan of Paulo Coelho, who 'die-die' (simple to say stands stong) says that love is natural and is a must to make one a complete being. He also says that, love is a way to commune with God! And here I am, all so pious and devotional, but just not ready to accept the existence of love.
Wait, correction. Not that i don't wanna accept the existence of love. I don't believe in the existence of love. By saying that i don't wanna accept, i indirectly agree that love exist. Get what i mean? Of course, to most dummies who think i talk too much and "show-off my english", it doesn't matter whether you understand or not!
Rain Game;
Ragha ¶ 2:33 PM 0 Comments
There's media, specifically Facebook. So what more do i need when I'm your friend in Facebook and you choose to upload silly photos of yourself with your "oh-so-loving" friends.
You think i should be nice any longer? Hell NO! I seriously will start doubting my sanity if i just leave of like that! Honestly, i believe my frustration isn't exactly justified! Contradiction eh. But i think it's time that i open my eyes, not that it was closed thus far. I need to open my eyes and my mouth as well! :)
And i soo miss dancing! Reminds me of all those times when i sourced my creativity into dance and not into studies! Thinking and knowing that afterall pursuing my passion is what i believe in! And well, not that i choose to differ now, but it isn't exactly a wise choice.
Nonetheless, i will still believe in pursuing my passion. Just that, in the current situation, i am very much curbed. Not that I am tied down by relationship or work, just my fears!
Did i mention? I actually was this close (not like you would know how close, however much i emphasise)... This close to admitting that i do not hate love, but just fear love. Then when i was into making an innocent decision (hmph!) whether that was true, i took the SAFE step back. No! It's not my fear that makes me want to not believe in love. It's just my innocent decision to not believe in love. Haha.
However much i can be a fan of Paulo Coelho, who 'die-die' (simple to say stands stong) says that love is natural and is a must to make one a complete being. He also says that, love is a way to commune with God! And here I am, all so pious and devotional, but just not ready to accept the existence of love.
Wait, correction. Not that i don't wanna accept the existence of love. I don't believe in the existence of love. By saying that i don't wanna accept, i indirectly agree that love exist. Get what i mean? Of course, to most dummies who think i talk too much and "show-off my english", it doesn't matter whether you understand or not!
Rain Game;
Ragha ¶ 2:33 PM 0 Comments
Sunday, March 14, 2010
I will never forget Friday, 12th March.
Was so super tired. Was dreading the fact that i had to go camp and spend another day there, before the weekend comes.
What more, when u know that u have to be an evaluator for trainees for Spinal management. It makes u feel even worse when u don't know what time it will end and you have another appointment to make it too before the day comes to an end.
And u can fall face flat on the bed, sighing "good night", not to anyone but just to yourself to remind u that the day has ended.
And then you realise that u cannot sleep that very peacefully cos u have to get up early cos u have to go somewhere not so far and not so near, but somewhere u have no idea how to go to!
But... That Friday morning brought a whole new life into me when i had the great opportunity to catch something so awesome. Something that i will never forget in my life!
I remember looking at my watch. I don't remember the time though, but i remember telling myself, "there's still time. let's just close my eyes and wake up in another 10mins!". Before i laid my head down on the pillow i caught a glimpse of light reflected on the window pane. It really caught my attention.
Got up from my bed and went to the window and peeked out. WOAH!!! What i saw was a lifetime experience. SUNRISE! To most of u, it may seem a small issue. But to me, it was an event! Haha. I was mesmerised by the beauty of the sunrise! I stood there watching it for nearly about 5 minutes! It was simply perfect!
I know it wasn't exactly the best place to admire a sunrise. People would rather choose a beach or park or a hilltop to see and enjoy the sunrise. But the bunk! Hell no. What a place! But well... That moment just stays etched in my heart! and i know it will take something so much more greater to remove it from my heart.
two things though.
I wished i had someone to share the joy with. to show the beautiful sunrise.! someone to share that precious moment.
it brought back memories of this special someone. Someone, a new introduction in my life, whom i had spent a whole night with waiting to watch the sunrise that never came. and it was exactly in that same bunk where that same someone msged me about how special that sunrise was!
I Miss You. :)
Meeting my fisherman.
RaghaBoi ¶ 7:24 PM 0 Comments
Was so super tired. Was dreading the fact that i had to go camp and spend another day there, before the weekend comes.
What more, when u know that u have to be an evaluator for trainees for Spinal management. It makes u feel even worse when u don't know what time it will end and you have another appointment to make it too before the day comes to an end.
And u can fall face flat on the bed, sighing "good night", not to anyone but just to yourself to remind u that the day has ended.
And then you realise that u cannot sleep that very peacefully cos u have to get up early cos u have to go somewhere not so far and not so near, but somewhere u have no idea how to go to!
But... That Friday morning brought a whole new life into me when i had the great opportunity to catch something so awesome. Something that i will never forget in my life!
I remember looking at my watch. I don't remember the time though, but i remember telling myself, "there's still time. let's just close my eyes and wake up in another 10mins!". Before i laid my head down on the pillow i caught a glimpse of light reflected on the window pane. It really caught my attention.
Got up from my bed and went to the window and peeked out. WOAH!!! What i saw was a lifetime experience. SUNRISE! To most of u, it may seem a small issue. But to me, it was an event! Haha. I was mesmerised by the beauty of the sunrise! I stood there watching it for nearly about 5 minutes! It was simply perfect!
I know it wasn't exactly the best place to admire a sunrise. People would rather choose a beach or park or a hilltop to see and enjoy the sunrise. But the bunk! Hell no. What a place! But well... That moment just stays etched in my heart! and i know it will take something so much more greater to remove it from my heart.
two things though.
I wished i had someone to share the joy with. to show the beautiful sunrise.! someone to share that precious moment.
it brought back memories of this special someone. Someone, a new introduction in my life, whom i had spent a whole night with waiting to watch the sunrise that never came. and it was exactly in that same bunk where that same someone msged me about how special that sunrise was!
I Miss You. :)
Meeting my fisherman.
RaghaBoi ¶ 7:24 PM 0 Comments
