- am arrogant.
(that’s like so true. Haha. But I have got all reasons to be!)
- ain't genuine.
(thought about this when I was in the bus. Hmmm. Quite fake at times, especially with emotions!)
- havn't changed since GOD knows when.
(shalini agrees with this too. Nantheni will disagree. But I haven’t changed. I think I should. See how la.)
- am freaking thinking too much these days.
(YES!!! Especially when I go out. A lot of thoughts flowing through my head and they all stay. So my mind is like full of thoughts!)
- have been meeting and making new friends.
( more than I did in the first 6 months of this year. Just in one month, but a lot of friends!)
- have been spending soo much time out.
(going out everyday. Have a heavy schedule. Meeting load of people and enjoying myself with them. Deserve this quality time! After all that shit I went through for As.)
- can't wait to go NS.
(I think NS is like the most fun phase of a guy’s life. Although people I met have been giving me negative comments about NS. Haha. See how it goes!)
- have really got a lot of issues to think about.
(can’t mention the issues here. Cos the issues are related to people who visit my blog. Haha.)
- want to go swimming.
(have been thinking of doing so. But haven’t done so. Haha. Time is flying la. Have to start soon.)
- can't wait for NavaZ outing.
(annual Navaz outing. YAHOO!!!)
- can't wait for ICS outing.
(Yeah. It’s been a while since we ICS idiots enjoyed!)
- am seriously pissed with some idiots.
(maybe some is an understatement. Haha. I’m pissed like with A LOT of people!)
- was pleased to see 'her' yesterday.
(after so long la. Haha. She was so pretty. She still stays in my mind!!!)
- got my camera.
(bought it, at last. Have beem taking photos with and of loved ones!)
- love Valli and Gayu Ka.
(the best companions to go watch movie with. Went to watch ‘Varanam Aayiram’ with them. Surely an unforgettable memory la! Love you sisters!!!)
- am gonna' miss Mrs. Jay.
(she’s going to get married. *sobz* gonna miss her la.)
- am starting to hate some people in my life.
(needless to mention anything about this.)
- have been talking rubbish to people online.
(I pity Sakthivel – my thambi. He has been going through my nonsense for two straight days! Haha. Thanks boi)
Well guys and bharathanatyam (Indian Classical Dance). Hmm… It is just a typical thinking that if guys learn bharathanatyam, they are either gay or sissy! WHY???!!!
In NYJC, I remember that we were given options to choose some kind of sport to learn for PE. Interestingly, dance was an option. So guys from different classes were having the same PE slot as mine and so when the teacher asked whether we are okay with dance, the instant reply was “NO! So gay lor.”
I was extremely shocked! I, personally have a passion for dance. I have to mention this here – Puyal killed my passion for dancing! Haha… I thought dance was a good ‘sport’ to take up since I never took up any dance classes. But then, I was denied that opportunity since the group of guys was totally against dance. The only type of dance that guys wouldn’t mind learning is either ‘hip-hop’ or ‘break dancing’. To them learning ‘salsa’, ‘line dancing’ and other forms of dance are all what sissies would do!
Coming back to bharathanatyam. Why is it that if a guy learns Indian Classical dance, the Indian community thinks that they are either gay or sissy? If they see someone dance bharathanatyam, they conclude that that guy is a sissy! People think like that because mostly girls learn it. And why don’t guys learn it? It because of the stereotype that any guys who learn it must be a sissy. So guys just forgo their interest of learning it (if they have the interest la) so that they can fit into the common perception of the Indian community.
What a waste! Guys are actually missing out on such a beautiful dance because of this stereotype. Bharathanatyam may be a graceful dance form or the dressing may not be so masculine, but to me, personally, I think that to be a complete dancer (if you are an Indian), one has to learn bharathanatyam. It makes a dancer complete! Maybe that’s one of the reasons why I have given up my passion for dancing. Because I have not learnt bharathanatyam and my mum is totally against it!
Every time during Navaraathiri (Nine nights), I always go to temples to watch the cultural performances. That’s the only way I could satisfy my thirst to enjoy the beauty of bharathanatyam. That’s also another reason why I make it a must to watch my god sister Kanegal perform at various temples. And sometimes, since I am rather close to her, I comment on her dance!
WHY WHY WHY??? Why did such stereotype come about? How did it actually come about???
Oh ya! Talking about dance and being sissy. Those who watched Dhool ’08. Remember our champions – Aerocratz. Their first dance performance on TV (for quarter finals). Their concept was splendid and awesome! When I watched the dance, I felt that the theme was acceptance of gays into the society (and as Vitz says – also the acceptance of ‘ugly people’ into the society). The guys, made an extreme effort to dress up like girls (even to the extent of painting their nails) to make the dance stay in our minds. But then, I don’t think anyone confirmed that the guys of Aerocratz are gays or sissies! Why is that so??? I’m not saying that they are. I’m just being practical. People say that learning bharathanatyam is being gay/sissy, how come Aerocratz wasn’t labeled such? Not that I want them to. Please do not misunderstand me! Hmmm… Something to think about???
And, all bharathanatyam dancers pay their respects to Lord Nadarajan before their dance. Hello. Lord Nadarajan is a MALE! He’s like the God of Dance! So are Indians trying to say that HE is a sissy too?
I know a few guys who learnt bharathanatyam. But sadly, they stopped halfway, especially when they reach their teenage years. Reason being – their peers laugh at them! Some don’t see the use of learning bharathanatyam in their future years and they don’t think they will have the ‘guts’ to perform in front of a large audience, because they are afraid that the public will label them as sissies!
We just don’t know how many guys have hidden talents and how many of them could be potential bharathanatyam dancers. Dancers better than their female counterparts! Thanks to Indians and their mindset!
Talk about dancers! Prabhu Deva and Lawrence Raghavendra are dancers too!!! Kamal learnt bharathanatyam too – he ain’t sissy!!! Jayam Ravi too – is he sissy??? Girls fall for him, which means he is supposed to be some ‘hot Indian hunk’.
This is what my junior (emo kid Praveena) replied regarding my post. You can read it in the tags itself.
I used to say that ‘don’t expect anything in life’. Now I would say ‘the only thing you should expect in life is death, whether your own or others”. Quite true.
So if you know that someday or another that the person you love is going to go, shouldn’t you just make use of the day that he/she is with you to shower him/her with love? If you really wanted to spend time with that person and do more stuff, wouldn’t you take the extra effort to do it, even if circumstances forbid you from doing so?
When a person is gone, you can’t spend time with them anymore right? So why not use the time that they are alive to enjoy their presence? So you know that you have enough memories to last for your lifetime. But shouldn’t you be prepared to actually lose that precious someone when death is a natural phenomenon. Just that you don’t know when and to who it happens!
Hmmm… Honestly, Prav, your tags did make sense. At the same time, they don’t. I’m a Gemini – have to be fickle minded what! ¶ 10:49 PM 0 Comments
Well I was cleaning my house today. Yes! You read it correctly. I WAS CLEANING MY HOUSE. And as expected, Ragha started to think when he is bored. And so comes this post…
I was thinking whether how much you spend equates to how much you love someone.
Take these two scenarios for example - a guy meets his lover on her birthday.
Scenario1:
He meets her. Brings her to a posh restaurant like Fish & Co. (at Dhoby Ghaut where the cheapest food is like $13.90 served with plain water) and then move on to have dessert at Haagen Daz (where the cheapest ice-cream – ONE scoop is about $8.80, if I’m not wrong). He buys her a dress bought from Prada or Guess or Gucci (I don’t know all these shops – Sarah and Praveena told me) which will cost a bomb. And then follows her back home in a cab. Basically, he just pays for everything that night. All these, happens in just an hour or so.
Scenario 2:
He meets her. Brings her to 925 (Yishun) to buy her favourite meal – Chicken rice. And then move on to have dessert at the roadside buying ice-cream from the ‘ice-cream uncle’. He buys her a dress bought from the ‘pasar malam’ (night market – although most of the shops are like open in the afternoon.) A dress that she wanted but didn’t have money with her (either because she forgot her wallet or only brings ATM cards or is really cannot afford it). And then he follows her home, walking. Basically, he pays for everything that night (notice the difference in amount). However, he spends the whole day with her.
In which scenario would the girl feel loved? In the one where the guy spends like his two weeks’ savings on her? Or the one where the guy buys stuff that she loves although they don’t finish up his savings?
(If you are a guy reading this post, please make the necessary amendments, especially the part where the guy buys a dress for her. It would be like “the girl buys a shirt/pair of jeans for him”.)
I really don’t know! Would how much you spend tell someone how much you love them? Or would the time you spend with them tell how much you love them? Or is it just giving them what they like that will show the immense love you on them?
(Please tag to leave your comments and not SMS me and ask me how to leave a comment.)
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Non-conformist. That’s what I would call myself (Karthik calls himself that too). I really just can’t follow rules and belief, especially if there is no rationale behind it. Indians are just very good at doing this though (I know I’m an Indian too). I think I have blogged about it before.
They just follow beliefs because their parents/ grandparents said so. And then they pass it to down to the future generations. And when people like me, ask “Why so?”, all they do is scold and say I’m a rebellious kid and that I will never survive in the future.
Hello! Do you see why disparity exists in India? Do you see the widening gap between the rich and the poor? You can blame the government for this. The government just seems to be putting in TOO LITTLE effort to alleviate the situation. And you have to blame the Indians as well. They are just too rigid with their beliefs and tradition. Too rigid for their own good!
Not just poverty. But the lifestyle of Indians is very narrow because of their beliefs. I’m not here to slam their beliefs or condemn them, but the beliefs in those days may not just simply suit today’s lifestyle. Whether religion, tradition or culture, changes are necessary. I’m not asking them to forgo their beliefs and follow the western lifestyle. Teenagers these days are very much influenced by the western way of living. Yes, their (the western) lifestyle may seem the best. But then, we can always integrate our way of life into that particular lifestyle. Or, even still, we can adapt part of the western culture into our rich Indian culture. Nothing wrong. As long as our roots remain intact and do not get destroyed over time.
Take Deepavali as an example. It was a must that we get up before sun rise, apply oil on our heads, bath and head to our relatives’ house in traditional costumes. Now, not many follow this. They wake up early, not before sun rise though. Some don’t even visit their relatives. Those who do, do not wear traditional costumes. For example, guys are supposed to be in Jippa. Now, they just wear the Jippa top with jeans.
The time and dressing may have changed a little. We can see the different cultural influences in our dressings. But that hasn’t changed the essence of Deepavali. Indians still celebrate Deepavali and follow the rituals that come together. Deepavali has indeed undergone many changes but the beliefs and tradition are still respected and followed.
When such a festival itself can adapt to the changing world, I don’t see why we humans (Indians in particular) cannot do the same? People may say, ‘talking is easy but doing it isn’t’. Well, if you aren’t gonna give a try, how would you know? If this is considered a risk, take small steps to create a change, so that you won’t fall back hard if it doesn’t work out.
......
I remember asking my friend Shalini (Shorty Shalu) this question. “Why do people cry when their loved ones die?”. Haha. People may think that it’s the dumbest question. Many people told me that they cry because they are losing their precious one. They can no longer be with them and that there won’t me any precious moments with them anymore – just the past memories that they leave behind.
I have never seen the death of a precious one. Not that I want to see. But, c’mon. Reality. All of us have to face the death of someone close. I wouldn’t know whether I will cry when I’m in such situation. Maybe the tears are part of a natural process, where the death is a stimulus and then the brain cell signals the tear glands. And all that signal amplification and then the response is to CRY.
My argument here is why cry when the person has left? You cry because you feel that you have lost someone special? Why not you let them know how special they are to you when they are alive? Rather than crying and regretting. Why not make them feel special when they are with you? Why not express your love whenever there’s a chance? Why not reflect on the memories once a while and not just when they are gone?
I really don’t know! Is death THAT painful? Time will have the answer.
This is what my junior sent me after reading the two entries that I posted on 11th Nov. I asked her what she meant by that SMS and she didn't reply.
Well, unknowingly and unintentionally, I did make a lot of people think after reading those two entries. Haha. Another friend of mine SMS-ed me asking me when I was going to update my blog with such "thought provoking, cool" entries. Haha.
I'm not saying all these because I wanna boast about my blogging skills. But I'm just shocked at the power of words. I remember coming across this GP essay title, "The pen is mightier than the sword". Although this isn't the work of a pen, indirectly, thanks to technological advancement, blogging becomes a 'pen' in disguise. So yeah. I wanted to attempt that question but didn't. Zhiling attempted that question though. And her essay was of course, GOOD!
Well finished with my second last paper today. Bio Paper 3 - Application paper. I thought it was more like paper 2 because I didn't have to think too much. Paper 2 on the other hand was super hard. Personally, I found it like an application paper. Paper 3 was just vomitting out whatever I memorised and the marks allocated for simple questions were too much. But then, that was what made the paper look easy.
Thursday - the day of freedom. Last paper for A levels! Bio MCQ. 1 hour 15 minutes (for 40 question). YAHOO!!! Can't wait for it. That would mean I would be left with 20 days to enjoy before heading to NS!!! YEAH mann. Can't wait for NS and the big move that would follow that!
Was chatting with one of my schoolmates. She's a Gemini too. I'm a Gemini too, for those who don't know. So we are supposed to have something in common. She asked me whether Geminis are vain and have split personality.
I went to research online. Here's the results for Gemini:
(Provided by Tarot.com)
Gemini go everywhere together, hand-in-hand, symbolizing your dual nature. Our world comes in pairs: good and evil, male and female, in and out, yin and yang -- and you Geminis are living proof. Some might say Gemini are an entanglement of paradoxes (hello, that's so not true!!!), but the truth is that Gemini have an easy acceptance of opposites. Gemini world is one of duality (are they saying that Gemini have split personailty and lead a double life?!?). Gemini can like this and that, one thing and its opposite. It's like you see your world through a radio and Gemini can tune experiences and points of view in and out as your interests change.You Geminis are curious, talkative, versatile and mentally active. Your mind can bounce around from one topic to another with great ease, making Gemini the champion of cocktail party chatter and lighthearted social encounters. Others will think that Gemini are fun to be with, but your ability to change with the changing winds can also lead others to see Gemini as shallow (shallow... I'm deep).Gemini motto might be "A rolling stone gathers no moss."( I don't understand what this means. Anyone care to explain???) You are the eternally youthful child, no matter your chronological age. A razor-sharp wit can have you verbally dueling with the very best of opponents, who moments later are your best of friends. (This is like sooo true. Haha... My personal experiences are evidence.) As you fly through life, don't forget to take time to smell the flowers. (Smell the flowers for what!!! And there's like so little flowers in S'pore that have smell. And half the time, the female use perfumes that 'stink' up the whole place!)
Element: Air.
The astrological element of air represents movement. And the most efficient movement between two points is often a thought. Air signs are thinkers. (Sometimes they just think too much I guess.) They emphasize the intellect over other functions. With active minds and a good command of language, the air signs are the natural born communicators. (Of course!) They can be light and breezy as the breath of spring, but their words can also carry the power of a gale force wind.The air of Gemini is always changing direction. First the winds blow one way, then another. It's a metaphor for how our mind solves a puzzle, first thinking one way and then trying a different approach. This is a restless (restless eh. Can't deny that one.) and searching wind.
Key Planet: Mercury
Mercury, the Messenger of the Gods, moves around the Sun faster than any other planet. (I didn't know that!) He symbolizes our thoughts -- not only how we think, but how we communicate. In fact, Mercury is in charge of all language. Mercury is our active and rational mind. It is not only "just the facts" but also what we do with them. As the key planet of Gemini, Mercury is restless and changeable. It drives us to talk and to listen, but not necessarily to action. (Action... Hmmm. My ex-girl will sure agree to this. I'm against it though.)
Gemini Greatest Strength: Your curiosity about a variety of interests
Gemini Possible Weakness: Distracting yourself from what is most important
(everything in this colour is my opinion. Not what was taken from the web)
Geminis ROCK!!!
¶ 11:38 AM 0 Comments
I am so tempted to blog. I told Prasanna (my Godsister) that I so wanna blog at like 10 plus. Ended up chatting with so many people that I didn’t blog until 1130, which is like now! Haha… Gosh. Time flies.
Well. It has been a while since P. Pras (she will know what the P stands for) and I had chatted. We always chat about abstract issues, something that most of my friends don’t do. I just love chatting with her because we kind of share a lot of common thoughts. She’s just like another Vitz.
I remember us chatting about friendship and trust. One of the first few chats. It was extremely interesting that find someone younger than me who actually has such thoughts. And she wasn’t just listening to me crapping. She was sharing. Indeed, I learnt some things from her too. Have met her only once (or twice), sadly. Haha…
And it was after very long that I chat with my thambi, Sakthivel. He was doing his Os, so didn’t see him online for a while. Now that he is back, he has to put up with my nonsense. Sad life for him. Haha…
And now I totally forgot what I wanted to blog about. DAMN!!!
….. after a while… 5 minutes or so…
Yeah. About change.
My dear Karthik was using this stupid font on MSN. It was totally un-readable. It wasn’t English. And he was typing with symbols. And I asked him why. He said ‘change is the only constant’. Well true. And that made me think! (Well, that’s Ragha.)
Change. I remember reading this article on “Mind Your Body” (in Straits Times) written by Gary Hayden. It was pretty good. I remember there was something about a river and about touching the river. It like one can say that they have actually touched the river but then it wasn’t the same river that they touched because the water isn’t the same! Confusing?
Well, simply put, nothing is ever constant for one to say that it’s the same. So here it brings me to think. So are we as humans a ‘constant’ thing at all? I mean from the time we born, we undergo changes – physically, mentally, psychologically and etc. So if we undergo so many changes, can we say that we are not the original people that we see everyday?
Looking at it on the surface level. We change clothes everyday. It doesn’t make us a new person on the inside but surely on the outside, we look different. But that’s just clothes. Given that we all think differently each day, does that imply that we are different people?
Basically because people are determined by the way they are – they way they behave, the way they think, how they approach issues and the people surrounding them. So if one day I wake up being extremely upset, am I no longer Ragha? Or am I still the same Ragha, with just different emotion?
We are different each day. We face different problems each day. We meet almost new people everyday, whether we know them or not. For me, I mingle with the same people in school everyday. But are they the same? I mean, they can’t wake up feeling the same as yesterday. They can’t come to school expecting to do the same things they did the day before. They can’t be the exact same person they were yesterday, a week ago, a month ago or even a year ago. So, the bottom-line is we meet new people daily. Does that make us new? It brings us back to where I begin – are we at all the same person that we think we are?
Even now, as I type this blog, I maybe a Ragha who is thinking too much (as Prasanna says). Tomorrow when I visit my very own blog, I would be having different thoughts, surprisingly or not, they may even be against what I feel today. So if nothing is constant, how on what basis do our lives revolve around? Change? Amazing! How something that changes revolves around something that ever-changing, yet the only constant that exists in the world!
(I can hear some people go “DAMN, I’m confused.)
Well, so in this ever-changing life, change is the only constant. Yet it is the change itself that is changing and makes everything else change. Is it possible to be the un-changeable? Is it possible to change the change? Is it possible to change and yet remain as who we are – as who we were introduced into the world as?
Once again. Perspective?
No! Reality.
Not Ragha’s perspective.
Just the harsh truth laid down in a simple way!
The only perspective is how one perceives the change.
Not how the ‘change’ perceives.
¶ 11:30 PM 0 Comments
I had this sudden doubt just a few minutes ago. A very random one indeed.
I was thinking why did GOD categorize mankind into two different genders? Why the need for gender in the first place? Surely GOD would have known that there will be problems caused by mankind because of this gender difference. Why did GOD have to create humankind in such a way that there is a need for a man and a woman to come together, make love, have sex and continue mankind?
When GOD can create flowers that self-pollinate, why didn’t GOD create mankind, whether male or female, that could self-fertilise and live TOTALLY independently of the other type of being to continue the human species? Why the need for love? Why the need for sex? Why the need for age? Why can’t humans just remain the way they are? Create a world where man enters the world the way he is and lives forever that way.
I know that if people don’t die and more people are born, the earth will have no place. But then, why do people need to born? Just have the existing number lah. A consistent number. GOD will have so little work to do then. I mean, death is something everyone fears. And when someone dies, GOD gets scolded and cursed. Why go through all these trouble right? Just don’t have death and birth!
But then and again, if there aren’t new people born, then we have to see the same boring faces everyday. Wouldn’t that be better? Knowing someone for a whole lifetime, yet you don’t know the person totally. So what’s the use of getting to know more people, when in the end, you don’t actually know the person totally! You just know that there’s such a person and his character. But you don’t know how he thinks, what he wants, and his true personality!
I know many people. But whom do I actually know inside out? Is it even possible to know someone inside out in a lifetime, say that I live for like 75 years? At one moment, one person can be someone I treasure. Another moment he might be the person I hate the most. Many people know me, but how sure can I be that anyone actually knows the way I think? The way I want to pave my life. If we all just know each other skin deep, then are these relationship genuine?
What then is a genuine relationship? I know that trust is the basis of all relationships but how much trust is needed to begin a genuine relationship? What if past experiences prove otherwise that trust can after all be betrayed? If trust is the basis of a relationship, why then does the word betrayal exist? Are trust and betrayal like birth and death? Another of GOD’s play?
Or is it just perspective?
Ragha’s perspective?
¶ 12:57 PM 0 Comments
At last! No more Mathematics for the rest of my life! YAHOO!!! Just finished with my Math Paper 2 today. Wasn’t that bad. Was manageable, compared to Paper 1. Paper 1 was a pure killer. Believe me, it was harder than prelims!!! Haha. I was so worried that I would fail Paper 1. And I was even more worried that Paper 2 would be a killer and that would mean that I will end up getting a U grade (again) for A levels. NOWAY would I want a U grade in my A level certificate.
But THANK GOD!!! Paper 2 wasn’t a killer. That means there’s chance that I will pass Math. Either a E or a D. I will really be satisfied with that grade. Although that would mean that I would have to disappoint our dear lokie (my Math tutor – Mr.Loke). He says that a pass is either a B or an A. I’m like no where near there. As long as I pass, I’m more than happy.
Biology wasn’t easy too. Compared to last year’s paper, it was terrible. I remember Jasmine saying that it was no use studying. And I totally agree. It was so much more of application rather than just understanding. Well, what’s the use of having such a killer paper when there’s already paper 3, which is supposed to be Application paper? I remember having to answer so many “suggest” questions. Like what the hell la. I can’t even answer normal questions that are direct and the
Haha. Hopefully, biology paper 3 is an easy one (like math paper 2). And there’s MCQ too. MCQ never pulled up my grade all these while. It used to pull my grade down because I never scored more that 30 (out of 40). A mere score of 30 can make a big difference in the grade one scores. Haha. I really envy people who can score like 36 or 37. I’m referring to Zhiling here of course. Haha…
Just four more papers to go and that’s the end of As. One H2 and one H1. Chem paper 2 and MCQ next week. Followed by bio paper 3 and MCQ the following week. After that, I’m sure gonna enjoy. Can’t wait for it.
Talking about enjoy. I’m rather pissed with some people. Remember I blogged about wanting to spend quality time with my loved ones? Well, I SMS-ed some (those who don’t visit my blog) regarding wanting to meet them. They tell me “Okay. I will tell you soon.”. And then, till now they never get back to me. And I’m sure that they never will. Haha. And we will end up not meeting at all. Haha… And of course, some will blame me that I didn’t make the effort to meet them. Like hello!!!
I went temple today and am really pissed with a lot of indians. Especially those from
Oh. I was on my way to school and was having a lot of thoughts. After thinking so much, I asked myself “How come you think so much?”. Haha… I really don’t know. Thinking about something deeply is different from having so many thoughts. There were so many thoughts that I actually started to have a headache. And I wasn’t even thinking about exams or myself. But about the people around me and about their life. Haha… I just don’t know how I manage to do that.
Am gonna sleep. Dead tired. Gotta catch up on the sleep that I have lost these past few days!
¶ 12:17 AM 0 Comments
