I have never hated someone this much. Okay. Maybe I have. Those people were all my age or some where near there. It’s just simply amazing how I can hate someone old – my dad’s age. And the hatred isn’t a small one. It is pretty huge, I’d say.

All you can think of is me being a liar. In the world, as far as I can think of for now, there are two main reasons why you may not trust a person.

1. All/most of the people you have met so far have been lying or cheating you.
2. The lie that was told seems totally absurd or you know very well that the person in lying.

I wouldn’t blame those who fit into the first category. They are just being extra precautious not to fall into that same trap again. Those in the second category, unless you are pretty smart, then maybe you can identify whether the person is really lying.

What if the person wasn’t lying?

Then the only reason why you don’t want to trust me is because whatever I told you doesn’t seem to fit into your lifestyle – the Indian lifestyle. Seriously! Why the hell would I bother to think of such a huge lie? I mean, yes. It is out of the ordinary. That doesn’t mean it will not happen? You just need to let your perspective widen a little more. I can’t blame you. You are like that because you are INDIAN.

After all the years of experience you had, you still don’t want to change and stick to your rigid principles and beliefs. You complain about every single thing, not realizing how much of the blame is on you. If every person you meet treats you the same way, then hello, wake up! The problem lies with you!

I have been telling myself that it’s only a few more months with you. Today, it would be 29 days left with you. But I really cannot stand you and your nonsense. You reprimanded me for something I didn’t do. I could have argued but I didn’t want to. Most people know that I love arguing, especially if I am being blamed for something I didn’t do. But today, I just knew that there was no point arguing. You had just tattoo-ed “RAGHA IS A LIAR” in your heart. And there is no way I can erase it. And it’s not like I’m bothered to.

Advising/reprimanding (choose whichever you want) me in public doesn’t spoil my image, especially if I’m not in the wrong. And you can even say “I shall stop scolding you. People might think badly about you.” HELLO!!! Get this in your attrociously intellectual brain. The only reason why you got the chance to scold me was because I wasn’t bothered to tell you the truth. If I had just started arguing, you surely would have to shut up. I simply didn’t see how you make the links between things that happen at random times.

You and your bunch of people of the same community really make my life hell. Thanks!!! I thought I could be leading a different life now but NO. Being Indians, you’ll never let an Indian outstand. You just prove the famous/infamous indian “crab story”.

I’m more than amazed with myself how I actually survived these so many months with you. I just thank GOD for giving me patience. I think it’s time that I move away –really far away, from you. Even if it might just affect my studies, I think it’s the best solution. I don’t want to lose my peace. At least, I will be able to secure a lot more stuff without you.

Curse me all you want like what you have been doing for the past few months. But I stick to my decision. Giving you too much respect and seeing for your feelings has just left me in such a state that I have to hate you.

I know you will never visit my blog because you don’t even know I have one and neither are you that kind of person who goes about reading blogs. But let me tell you something.

“I’m not in the wrong and I don’t owe you anything. I want to be and am independent. So just let me be.”

(I am still amazed how I can be so irritated and hate someone who should be respected for his age and profession.)

SIGH!!!

.........................................................................................................................................................................

I missed Dhool 08 - Finals. The results were rather expected. Aerocratz - First. Killabeez - Second. AR - Third. Although, I still hoped that some other group made it in replacement with one of the top three. Then again, I have got no rights to judge because I didn't see the performances. Maybe they did extremely well and deserve a place in the top three after all. Shall go check out the videos on youtube (if they have).

  ¶ 10:53 AM 0 Comments

  Alot of things have been happening. Of course. It has been extremely long since I blogged. Have been receiving requests to blog at least twice a week. Haha. I didn't know that my blog was so famous.
= To all those who requested: I will try my best to blog at least once a week la. 'Cos As is nearing. =

Well prelims results are out. Or at least most of the subjects. Waiting for Bio results. Hopefully I pass that. Mathematics. Isn't it obvious? Failed it. U grade. But the marks have increased. No more the same old 25%. This time it is 32%. Expected a greater difference though, for all that I practiced! Another U for Chem. Well, not that surprised also. 'Cos I didn't prepare much for it.

Apart from studies, the people around me are just so irritating. Well, after prelims results came. This 'typical' in my school decided to turn to me for his 'emo' session. Well, you couldn't find anybody else is it? When I SMSed you something important, regarding studies somemore, you weren't bothered to reply. But when you want to emo, the first person you look for is me! And you can SMS and come looking for me. Like hello... After all that happen you still never change eh?

RP is still the best place to study. And Vitz is sure the best study buddy I ever had so far. Like we really enjoy the studies sessions. And not forgetting Gaya Devi. OH MY GOD. Her voice is like heaven. I heard her sing "Engae Yenathu Kavithai" during CJC competiton. After that I came home download the song and was addicted to it for a few weeks. Today she joined us for our study session at RP and I forced her to sing (more like tortured). She sang. And now, thanks to her, I'm addicted to the "Vennilavae" from "Minsara Kanavu".
{Thanks Menax for sending me that song. I asked her and the next minute I get the song. Wow. Extremely resourceful sisters I have.}

And I'm taking a stand. I HATE MURALIKUMAR s/o THANABAL... Vits will know why. Haha...
And yeah this same Murali has been (unwillingly) my new found BEST friend, according to dear Vits.

DHOOL 08 tomorrow. Can't wait to see who wins. Aerocratz. Killabeez. My two favourtie groups. Aerocratz really deserve to win la. For all the effort they have put in thus far, it would be an utter waste if they don't win or at least get top two. I'm sure they will la. I just don't want a particular group to be in the top three (Vitz should know). Haha... Just a personal dislike towards that group.

Oh ya. Vitz has found a new boyfriend for herself. The lizard at the third floor light near building E3. Believe it. The lizard was showing it's butt to Vitz. And Vitz, of course, was staring at it and not studying. She was like totally mesmerized by it la. Congratulations Vitz, with your new boyfriend.

Vitz and I really shared alot of stuff today la. Mostly about relationships. Not the usual normal ones. Haha... Well... Too much personal stuff shared to be discussed here....

Vennilavae ROCKS...  ¶ 11:42 PM 0 Comments

 
  ¶ 12:46 PM 0 Comments

    ¶ 11:27 AM 0 Comments

  Why I wanted to blog now???

So many things running in my mind (and my body).

Just don't know where to start.

Just the basic truth:

  ¶ 12:36 AM 0 Comments

  Sarah thinks I am dying to write in her autograph book. Like hello!!! Get a life lah Sarah dumbo - one who waters the sand hoping to grow more sand out of it... Her autograph book which she started last year has only two people's autograph. How sad! And Sarah BEGGED me to write it in lor.

And now she thinks that water is the greatest thing on earth (and she silently admits that Ragha is the greatest person GOD created). And now she asks me what cavemen drank. How would I know!!! She has Physics paper tomorrow and she hasn't started studying. Well it explains her dumb question. Examination just makes everyone go mad. Sarah proved it.

I actually came online to blog about something that happened yesterday.

I was going home after Chemistry paper (demoralised). Met this Indian guy who was trying to talk me into taking insurance. I don't even know what company it is. I told him now way that I am going to take insurance. HELLO. I'm 18 eh. Insurance - I honestly don't know what it seriously means. Well after I told him a strict "NO", we still continued talking. Here is how the convo went (his name is Raj by the way):

Raj: You've got good English.
Ragha: What's so bad about others English?
Raj: No. I mean you have got good English for an Indian.
Ragha: Why? What's so bad about the other Indian's English?
Raj: Most of them have this strong indian accent. Wanna go for a drink?
Ragha: I already told you I'm not gonna get involved in this insurance and all.
Raj: No! Not as part of my job but just as friends.
Ragha (shocked): Thanks. But it's okay. I'm meeting my friends.
Raj: Well, okay. Hmmm. Are you straight?
Ragha (with the 'what the hell' expression on his face): Yes!!! Of course. Duh!!! Apparently!!! Why you are not?
Raj: Hmmm. Errr. Ya.
Ragha: Okay (still trying to digest what happened)
Raj: Well, here's my name card. Text me when you are free okay?
Ragha: Hmmm (and runs off to take his bus)

  ¶ 12:17 AM 0 Comments

  I have got a lot to blog about but I'm afraid that I might just lose the interest halfway and stop. I also dunno where to start. Sharks...

Let me start with yesterday. I was chatting with Vitz. We were chatting about how stressed we are about As and all that panicking and shit. Oh ya. Did I forget to tell? Vitz and I share a lot of things in common. Especially in the way we think. Most experience we have, somewhat are similar too. Somehow, whenever I chat with her, I just feel so much relieved. I dunno why.

Coming back. I dunno how exactly it started but she asked me about one of my past entries. We then started talking about people in our school are behaving. Especially the indians. The situation in both our school is exactly the same. EXACTLY!!! So coincidental right? But it's true.

We chatted about that and after that I could really feel what Vitz was going through because I was going through the same thing. For some reason, I was a little happy that I got company lah, to share the same sorrow. I know it sounds sadistic, that I'm happy that someone is suffering. But seriously, be in my shoes (not literally lah. my shoe size 10 eh) and you will know what I mean. To think that I was the only soul going through such shit and was blaming myself that I may have been too sensitive.

But then, after chatting with Vitz I found out that the problem doesn't lie with me. It is the people around me. Well, what else to expect. They are INDIANS. Like I was telling to Shalu (my primary school friend - oh, I've got loads to tell about her too). Indians will always remain as indians if they don't move on. Living with that typical indian mentality is of no use! Seriously man. Move on la. I'm not blaming all the indians la. There are some, like Vitz and Shalu for example, who don't have a single bit of the typical indian mentality. You can see the difference in the way they live their lives la. So the bottomline being - I'm just a little (if not alot) irritated with the indians in my school. Haha...

Well, now about Shalu. Well she's my primary school friend. She used to be extremely blur-like-sotong in primary school. It's not that we kept in contact after primary school. We didn't see each other much. Like at the MRT once or twice and at temple many times. She seemed her blur-self always. Haha... Sorry Shalu!

Just a few days back, she tagged my blog. She found my blog through L.Jaga (my gorgeous sista). And she proved to be blur again by telling me to link her but she didn't give me her link address. I burst out laughing lah. Seeing that she hasn't changed much. After a few more days, she tagged my blogged, gave me her link.

Visited her blog. Woah. There's this person tagging her blog and he is sure disgustingly vulgar. U can go visit her blog if you want. Seriously, like what Shalu calls him, he is a balless-idiot. I read her blog. Amazingly, her blog content made me think otherwise of her. She seemed more matured in the way she perceived certain issues. Visited her friendster account after that (although she has been in my connections for long, never reaaly visited her that much). Her photos and the captions she had for them showed some level of maturity. One that I really didn't expect from Shalu. Haha...

Am chatting with her now. She is matured. Haha... Not at all the Shalu I knew when I was in primary school. Very much matured and sees life through a different eye. Not like many other friends of the same age. Well enough about Shalu. Blogged too much about her - too much for someone with too little height.


Talk about studies. I'm sure a goner for prelims!!! Like the papers so far have been extremely hard. I have been studying. Yesh. 70% of my time dedicated for studying. But I still don't see the difference. Bumped into my Math tutor today and he said "You better study for paper 2. Must score full marks.". Like what the hell la. I got 20% for paper 2 for mid years. And he says I need to get 100%. Yah, I know he may exaggerated it. But still, that implies that my paper 1 is fantastically badly done! After all that practice I have been doing! Biology is another killer.

My personal message on MSN says
"im fighting a battle against an unknown enemy.!"
Really. As is the battle I'm in. But I dunno how hard the standards are. As in, I haven't exposed myself to many papers yet to prepare for A levels, especially for Biology. I have exposed myself to Math and I am pretty sure that a little more practice would really make a BIG difference for Math. TLL - okay la. Quite prepared for it. Chemistry, that is another unknown enemy. But then, quite confident that I can do well with a little more effort. Biology is my biggest WORRY...

I'm in a BIG problem now. Be back later...  ¶ 10:44 PM 0 Comments

  Am just extremely addicted to this song from Dhaam Dhoom - "Yaaro Manathilae".

Firstly, because the male singer in this song is KRISH!!! Many people do not know who he is. He's the guy who sang "June Pona" from Unnale Unnale. I liked the voice then, not knowing it was Krish's. Then watched this TV show (Coffee with Anu). I really liked his personality and his way of thinking and living. Of course, his voice too.

Secondly, the lyrics of this song is extremely good. Very emotional and at the same time very in-depth. The female voice isn't that bad too (Bombay Jayashree). She really brings out the essence of the song. Have yet to watch the video. Should be good, I hope.

Thirdly, the music is simpley soothing. It just makes me feel so relaxed. Somehow hearing that song makes me free from this world and brings me to another world (but sadly, I will have to return to reality). What else do you expect when the music director is Harris Jayaraj. He's like one of the coolest music directors.

A particular verse I just love:

  ¶ 11:14 AM 0 Comments

  Kinda long since I blogged. Haha. Wanted to blog on Thursday. Was too lazy. Wanted to do so on Friday, but fell sick. Saturday, was still sick. Sunday, too weak to do anything. And had to use all the time available to study. Today still sick. But went to school to do my Prelim - Math. Killer. Haha... Quite an unexpected reaction though. For all that practice I have been doing... Hmm... Hopefully I pass.

Been thinking a lot lately. On the way to school, in the bus, was thinking of the time I first entered NY. Then I stopped my flow of thoughts, telling myself that this wasn't the right time to be reflecting. Haha. Ya, As in another 50 days exactly!!! Time really flies fast.

Was chatting with LJ the other day. I remember posting this entry stating that she and I never talked about our love life to each other (and I deleted that entry for some reason). And the recent chat, coincidentally, she had to ask about my relationship. Haha... And we had a very long chat about it.
I remember this phrase that she said.

"dont mind ah, sometimes guys cannot be trusted in a relationship!"

I don't know what made her say that, but then she did say sorry after that, for generalising, I guess. She asked me about my relationship and then halfway through the conversation, she just said it. Haha... Well, at that point of time I was quite taken aback, especially since it was coming from Jaga. Someone whom I thought was rather open minded. After a while, I realised that i cannot be really judging her because I don't know her experience with guys. Furthermore, we started chatting with Puva as the topic... So it all the more explains why she might have said that.

[Hey, LJ. In case you read this entry, don't worry ya. I'm not emotionally affected or anything. Haha. So don't take this entry too personal ya.]

Ask any guy and he will blame the girl for a bad relationship. Ask any girl and she will blame the guy for a bad relationship. Very rare to see long lasting relationships nowadays. To think that I once used to think that my relationship would be an everlasting one - now it seems hilarious to have thought so. Being in a relationship is so normal now that NOT being in one is like abnormal. Well, personally, I prefer being single. I do have my reasons for that.

Just a few more months and I will be out of NYJC (hopefully). And that would mean freedom from A LOT of people. Just waiting for that day to come!!! 9 or 10 October (I'm confused on which is Sarah's birthday and which is my graduation day. All thanks to Sarah.)

Life in NY was great until I became a little too close with some people and I'm regretting it now. Haha... (Now Sarah will wonder who these people are and when she sees me in school the next time, I pretty sure she will pester me to tell her who.) No point thinking about them too much too, because they wouldn't be doing so and it's just a few more months that I will have to see them, so will just bear with it!!!
  ¶ 1:05 PM 0 Comments

  Having a hard time studying! Studying and then forgetting and then getting irritated with myself for having such a bad memory. And then going to study again and realising that once again I forgot! What a cycle... GRRR...

Well, studying aside, I have been, of course, enjoying. Duh. It's part of my life.

Went lunch with my dad today. 925 chicken rice never tasted better before. Together with that 'sayo' (vegetable), my dad badly wanted. Woah. That oyster sauce - I still can taste it!!! And the ice lemon tea was just superb. It tasted so lemon. Not the usual diluted taste.

Am addicted to this song from Vellivizha (if I'm not wrong). "Uyirile En Uyirilae" - the male version (female version is "Vizhiyile"). It's simply beautiful. The lyrics, the voice and the music. Perfect song. It's not those 'dance-able' song. But then, it really makes me reflect on my life.

Hmmm... Just can't seem to get that song of my head. You wanna listen to it. Go to www.tamilbeat.com... Right panel would say something like 'Top 10 songs". Should be the first song (unless you read my entry like weeks after it's posted and then the ratings are changed).

Was watching this really interesting movie on youtube. To me it's interesting. To others, it may seem extremely weird. It is not exactly a kind of video that many would watch. Most would consider that kind of video taboo. Well, to me it isn't. Since it's just life and love. Just the abnormal way, I would say. But of course, I would forward the 'not-nice' scenes. Haha... I'm still wondering how I stumbled upon that video especially since the related videos are all 'wrong/weird/disgusting' ones. Haha...

I miss a lot of people and things. Dance!!! Sandwich (so not me). Barney (as in the purple dino and not MariAnah's guy Kasbani).  ¶ 3:29 PM 0 Comments

  For the first time in this year (or maybe), I think I have made the right decision. I made a decision today (and no way am I telling what it is) but I think it's the right one. Take it whichever way you want to, cos' it doesn't bother me anymore.

The past week has of course been a fruitful one. Too many experience to be blogging about. But they all taught me something new.

Friendship, trust, people, believes, work, relationships, pets, temple, devotion, alcohol, studies, surprises, songs, colour (there's still more) - almost just about everything in life.

Whatever that one goes thru' in daily life - almost all of it in just one week may seem a little too extraordinary. But that's the truth. One thing that is common - they all somehow make a difference in my life.

To many people out there, this entry will seem rather random. But a handful may interpret it based on their own knowledge and will come up with their own conclusions. Haha... That would be the funniest part. Negative or positive - it's all perception.

Long long long ago. Actually some weeks back, some doofus brain friend of mine sent me a poem (via SMS). It's a tamil one. I wrote a instant poetic reply but i didn't send it. I dunno why. But now, I decided to post it here. That person will most probably visit my blog (70% chance lah). Even then, it's not because I want the person to see it here but just wanted to post it cos' i felt like it. Haha.

"Piriyum tharunathil thavikkum manam,
pirintha pinbum thavippathu,
kaathalaa allathu mothalaa?
Illai iru manangalin saabamaa?"

As plain as it may sound, it sure has a lot of meaning. Read and feel and understand. Surely the meaning will be one that is true.

Cheers,
Ragha
  ¶ 9:17 PM 0 Comments